I saw this printed on some wrapping paper today, and thought I recognised it as an adaptation from Our Mutual Friend, by Charles Dickens. A lovely sentiment to live by, in any case:

Have a heart that never hardens,

a temper that never tires,

and a touch that never hurts.

on the perception of beauty

B's photograph of me. Can you tell how uncomfortable I am?

For as long as I can remember, I've been extremely shy about the way I look. Well, there was a time when I wasn't I suppose -- somewhere between infancy and about five, maybe -- but with the start of school and puberty and all that other grown-up stuff, I just became shyer and shyer and shyer. I hated having my picture taken. I was the only one in high school who wasn't in the yearbook.

Being continually teased as I was growing up had something to do with it I suppose. School is the classic breeding ground of prejudices and insecurities based on physical appearance. As a kid, I'd gone to grade school overseas for a few years; I had trouble making friends because I was the only Chinese person there, and, well, being kids, they made fun of what they didn't know.

I did finally make friends with this one girl of Italian descent -- dear, sweet Jolene -- but just as I began to settle in, I was brought back home again. Well, now I was theoretically among my own countrymen, but I had acquired a heavy Jersey accent, as well as a different outlook on life -- needless to say, I was made fun of again. Perhaps that's why I've pretty much blocked out my entire academic career.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting" it says in Proverbs 31, yet society's obsessive fascination with physical appearance has made beauty a multi-billion dollar industry. It seems that the first archaeological evidence of cosmetics usage was found in Egypt around 3500 BC, which is, I think, sufficient evidence that "civilised" human beings have always cared about looking good.

One is bombarded daily by images of physical perfection, never mind how unrealistic, Botoxed or Photoshopped. Our culture creates impossible standards of beauty, and then somehow connects those standards to personal worth. It isn't always easy to learn to accept one's body without judgement.

But anyway, this isn't a paper for Soc or Psych 101. This is an analysis of how silly I became when I thought I saw a freckle developing on... well, somewhere obvious. I was out somewhere; I popped into a public washroom; I happened to glance at myself in the mirror while I was washing my hands. Hm. Was that a freckle? There? I looked closer. It was.

The next day I looked at it again in broad daylight. Yup, there it was. True, it wasn't an all-out, sincere freckle yet, but it certainly was real. Now, I'd been in the sun a lot the week before this, so I shouldn't have been hugely surprised. And I know, I know -- use sunblock. But I have very sensitive skin, which is why I don't use anything at all -- sunblock, moisturiser, foundation, camouflage, whatever.

And now there was a freckle in plain sight. Well, to me it was. My eyes were drawn to it like a magnet; the effect was that of walking into a room and seeing some alien life-form sitting by the fire, smoking a pipe. I couldn't seem to help staring at it, and the more I did, the worse it seemed.

I couldn't resist mentioning it to my husband, my mother, and even Rebecca. All of them peered at the spot to which I was pointing with genuine anguish. It didn't matter that they couldn't see what the heck I was talking about; it was enough that I could. I felt like it was a neon sign highlighting my already homely appearance.

I started looking up ways to fade freckles, but besides lemons, there didn't seem to be anything less effective than lasers. Thankfully, I wasn't driven to that yet. And then, while scanning some forum thread started by a lady going through the exact same thing, I saw this posted reply: I have a freckle there too. I've always thought it was really cute.

That gave me pause. What was it, I wondered, that made two people look at the same thing, and think such completely different things? I couldn't help thinking that the person who declared her freckle "cute" was a self-confident, cheerful, upbeat individual -- I mean, you have got to be one of those glass-half-full types to say a freckle there is "cute".

Well, I decided to give myself a good shake. "The perception of beauty is a moral test", Thoreau once said. Besides the obvious fact that world poverty, crime, starvation and injustice far outweigh the importance of a freckle -- even one there -- I realised that I was not reflecting that "entire renewal of the mind" of which the apostle Paul wrote to the Romans.

"Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs]", he said, "but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]" (Rom 12:2).

In another letter, this time to the Philippians, Paul wrote, "Whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]". He did not mean fixate on a freckle.

And as the apostle Peter wrote: "Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes;

"But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God" (1 Pet 3:3-4).

I meditated on these Scriptures, and thank God He got me off that freckle and back on track. "The Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart", it says in 1 Samuel. "For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well" (Ps 139).

And then, while sitting on the toilet, flipping through an old issue of Real Simple, waiting for Kip to soak in her oatmeal shampoo, I stumbled upon an article by Elizabeth Berg, entitled Beautiful, in every single way.

The synopsis read, "Name your 'problem area': Maybe it's your thighs. Or your upper arms. Or your posterior. Most of us have a body part that bedevils us... author Elizabeth Berg owns up to the war she's long fought against her belly and shares how, at long last, she forged a truce".

In the article, Ms Berg writes, "For my entire life, I have hated my midsection... right smack in the middle of my body was my excessively large blubber belly... I could make a large serving spoon disappear into the folds of my fat... The only time I wasn't self-conscious about my belly was when it was at its largest. But I was pregnant, so that didn't count. Every pregnant belly is beautiful, for what it holds inside. But then the baby is born, and guess what's back?"

And then Ms Berg writes of her epiphany. For her, two things happened. One, she happened to catch a glimpse of her best friend's belly and realised that it was even bigger than hers. "But it wasn't awful at all," she writes. "It was part of her. And as such, I loved it".

The second thing -- and this was what really struck me -- happened when she was with her mother. It was a hot day, and her mother was complaining about the heat. "'You should put on some shorts,' I told her. She shook her head.

"'Why not?" I asked, and she leaned in close to whisper. "Varicose veins".

"'Mom,' I said. 'No one cares'. And then I connected some dots" (extracted from the article, Real Simple Mar 2012).

Reading that, I did too.

on turning 7, and still being a Mom

A girlfriend of mine sent me an article from the UK's Daily Mail entitled Working mothers risk damaging their child's prospects. It was rather a timely piece, because I was still brooding over something my cousin had said when we met up a few days ago.

We were sitting with a friend, who is also a fulltime mom. Her son is a fine, upstanding 15-year-old -- courteous and kind, actively involved in sports, with friends who are equally well-mannered and behaved, all of whom his mother knows. He doesn't smoke, swear, futz with an iPhone or stay out late, doing goodness knows what teenagers like to do. To me, a wonderful product of my friend's hands-on parenting.

All this however, does not seem to strike my cousin -- or most people I think -- in the same light. You may already know some of my thoughts on fulltime motherhood, as well as the comments I have to deal with. On this occasion Ro was also present -- she's three -- and looking at her, my cousin said, "Well good, a few more years and you can go back to work -- they won't need you to look after them then".

What he meant was that when Ro turns seven and starts grade school like her older sister, I can hurry back to real work, make real money, and have a real purpose in life.

Honestly, I don't get this. Before my husband and I got married, we agreed that if we did have children, there should always be a parent in the home raising and caring for them -- being, well, a parent. When the kids were babies and toddlers, this concept of actually being a mother who mothers somehow seemed a little more acceptable (although obviously I did still have to deal with the comments).

Now that they're older, there seems to be this increasing idea that they're old enough not to need proper parenting anymore. It's as if seven is a magic number or something, and as soon as they hit it they won't be needing any further parental care, nurturing and guidance -- or that grade school is some sort of perfect childcare facility that frees parents from responsibility.

But the fact is, grade school is ultimately only half a day -- from very early morning to early afternoon. What happens after that? If my, and my friends', experiences are anything to go by, this is what happens -- you come home to some indifferent childminder or doting relative, get your homework done, and then spend the rest of the day in mindless, aimless activity.

Because honestly, I don't think most young children actively look for ways to positively enrich their personal or academic lives. Left to themselves, their focus is on a hundred other things, many of them fatuous, imprudent, or regrettable. My girlfriends recall how their parents would come home at the end of the day or late at night, with no clue about what was really going on with them. When one looks back on one's growing-up years and thinks of what might have been...

And now I'm a parent. I want to do better by my children. To me, raising a child is not simply having some grown-up around overseeing them to make sure they don't set fire to the house or get kidnapped. Nor do I think Xbox, Wii or even Barbie qualify as appropriate childminders. One simply cannot expect any of them to give one's child sufficient, conscientious attention and time.

Of course, I know people who say, "Well, look at me -- nobody bothered about me when I was growing up and I turned out fine", but I find that flippant and shallow, because honestly, nine times out of ten, you're not "fine". The deep-seated insecurities, fears and hang-ups; the detrimental character flaws that hurt friendships, marriage, career and spirit; all the consequences of misguided decisions, reckless actions, and irrevocable choices... And again, to think of what might have been, how much better one might have done...

Telling me that I can (should) go back to work when Ro starts school, essentially reflects how much value a person places on the work I do as a fulltime mom now. My cousin is not the first who feels that the work I do as a mother cannot compare with that of a money-making career woman, and I should give up the former in favour of the latter.

If anything, I think hardcore parenting begins when children turn seven -- and yes, when they go into grade school -- because that's when they're becoming more worldly, start forming their own opinions and branching out more, become susceptible to peer pressure, and get exposed to all sorts of outside influences. I remember reading in university psychology that around this age, a child's self-esteem is fragile, and there is a tendency to worry more, and to be more sensitive, perfectionistic and self-critical. I remember, too, the line "strong need for love and understanding, especially from the mother", because I used it in one of my papers.

But then, I don't really need to think back to Psych 101, do I? I have a girlfriend who once said, "I don't know why my parents had me -- I hardly saw them, except maybe at bedtime. They never knew what I was up to, and so I did badly at school, messed up my career, and made wrong choices in men. O well".

And that Daily Mail article my girlfriend sent me? "Mothers who return to work after their baby is born risk causing serious damage to the child's prospects in later life, researchers revealed yesterday.

"Such children are more likely to do worse at school, become unemployed and to suffer mental stress than youngsters whose mothers stay at home to bring them up.

"The findings from the Institute for Social and Economic Research are a severe blow to the Government, which has used the tax and benefit system to encourage mothers to work while stripping away tax breaks such as the Married Couple's Allowance.

"They are an endorsement of the instincts of thousands of women who either give up work or drastically cut down their job commitments to devote most of their time to raising a child" (extracted from the article by Steve Doughty, May 2, 2012).

Well yeah, there are all the studies and the research, but I go by personal experience and observation. In the meantime, I need to go over some math with Ro (of which she says "when you squish 8 and 2 together, they become 10").

on having too much information

Greeting card by Able & Game

Shortly after I gave birth to Ro, my gynae said, "You lost the pregnancy weight really fast; is your thyroid...?" And because he -- a medical professional -- just threw this out at me, and I was a little headachey and having the baby blues, I had my thyroid tested. Praise the Lord, it was perfectly fine, but I started to notice this "trend" among certain (many?) doctors -- you see them about something, and after giving you their "diagnosis", they add, "Well you know, it might also be...". Like, how many bases can you cover -- really?

I remember talking to my girlfriend about this, and I remember "coining" the phrase "internet doctoring". That's the other side of the Internet, isn't it? Too much information. You look up something, and you get 10 million definitions, all offering and linking you up to 10 million more options and possibilities. And that's what I meant by "internet doctoring" -- you see the doctor and you get a bunch of choices to choose from. Gone are the days when my Mom would take me to the neighbourhood GP, some grandfatherly old fellow who'd write out his prescriptions with a sure, almost dismissive, confidence. You'd absorb his self-assurance as if by osmosis, and certainly you wouldn't rush home and check WebMD. Simplicty was bliss.

Don't get me wrong -- I thank God for advanced medical knowledge and expertise, and, in this day and age of lawsuits, I can understand where some of these chaps are coming from. But again, that pursuit of certainty can also make one a nervous wreck... I am so grateful that God has helped me in those areas of fear and worry, but sometimes when my girlfriend calls, anxiously listing her symptoms and forming extreme, panic-filled conjectures, exacerbated by doctor ambiguity and internet overdosing, I am reminded of how important it is to be grounded in God's peace, goodness and love.

"Peace I leave with you," Jesus said, "My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled]" (John 14:27).

Paul wrote, "We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose" (Rom 8:28).

Recently, my husband showed me an article in Newsweek magazine, entitled The Psychology Behind Cyberchondria. It was certainly insightful, and I think it could be both enlightening and helpful to anyone who suffers this anxiety.

"Web-enabled hypochondria, dubbed 'cyberchondria', is becoming increasingly common... But why should simply reading an online write-up about, say, Hodgkin's lymphoma convince us that we've fallen victim to the disease? A new study in the April 2012 issue of Psychological Science suggests that the irrational tendency at work in the brains of cyberchondriacs is the same as that in the brains of gamblers.

"Gamblers make the mistake of seeing patterns in a set of randomly generated events, deciding that a positive result on one or two rolls of the dice will continue. For cyberchondriacs, that same tendency means deciding that hitting a streak in the list of symptoms (headache, followed by nausea, followed by fatigue) means you must also have all of the other symptoms in the list...

"According to Virginia Kwan, a psychologist as Arizona State University and lead author on the paper, the results demonstrate the kind of unconscious pattern creation in which the human brain excels -- and which frequently leads us astray when it comes to the basic logic of probability. The way gamblers say they have a 'hot hand', she says, cyberchondriacs believe they have 'hot symptoms': if they hit the first two in a list, they believe they must have the third one as well" (extracted from the article by Britt Peterson, in Newsweek, Apr 16, 2012).

I plan to tell my girlfriend this the next time she calls, but also to "[Cast] the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully" (1 Peter 5:7). Have a super blessed Friday -- you're fine :)

on peace and immortality

The White Orchard, by Vincent Van Gogh

Hi, everyone. I know I've been away from the blog for awhile; my grandmother passed away, and we were busy with all the attendant observances of such an event.

My grandmother had lived well into her 80s, and with her own family the entire time; she had seen her grandchildren become adults, and the birth of great-grandchildren as well. She had died in her own bed, surrounded by her loved ones. These are all wonderful blessings I think.

It sometimes takes a funeral to make one really think about a person, doesn't it? I mean, really think. Because in the busyness of our everyday lives, we often take the people around us for granted, like fixtures... In my grandmother's case, I basically grew up; I got married, I started my own family, I didn't need her anymore. She had helped look after me as a child and young teen, but later she had lived with my aunt; their home is far from us, and we tended to meet up only on occasions like Christmas or Chinese New Year.

When I first learnt that my grandmother had passed away -- she had been ill for awhile, so it was not entirely a shock -- I could only think of our recent interactions; I mean my interactions with her as an adult, on those few yearly occasions. There would of course be many people at those parties, so we would never really get past the hug-and-kiss greetings and the fleeting questions about how the other was doing.

But my grandmother's answer to those questions was always a stout "I'm OK!", despite the fact that she was actually very sick, and you could tell she meant it, because that was the kind of person she was, or that I always knew her as -- calm, stoic, pragmatic (she'd already chosen which clothes she wanted to be buried in, and had prepared her red packets for the next Chinese New Year). I think that placidity somehow rubbed off on me, because I was equally placid when I first learnt of her passing. It was almost as if I was simply being told that she was doing something new, like enrolling in some university program, or moving house. I could not seem to think of her beyond the past decade or so, and paradoxically, that calmness disturbed me not a little.

But it was when I got home, and was saying my prayers, that the Holy Spirit brought to my mind things about my grandmother which I'd not thought about for a long time, things from my childhood and teenage years. They were things I could never have thought of without divine help, and they were wonderful little things -- walks to the bookstore, sweets, her floral suits, playing with her powders and perfume. And always her placid practicality -- so that after I had cried, and finally mourned her, I felt peaceful and reassured, not only about my grandmother, but myself as well. And these verses came to mind, so fitting also to this Easter season:

Take notice! I tell you a mystery (a secret truth, an event decreed by the hidden purpose or counsel of God). We shall not all fall asleep [in death], but we shall all be changed (transformed)

In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the [sound of the] last trumpet call. For a trumpet will sound, and the dead [in Christ] will be raised imperishable (free and immune from decay), and we shall be changed (transformed).

For this perishable [part of us] must put on the imperishable [nature], and this mortal [part of us, this nature that is capable of dying] must put on immortality (freedom from death).

And when this perishable puts on the imperishable and this that was capable of dying puts on freedom from death, then shall be fulfilled the Scripture that says, Death is swallowed up (utterly vanquished forever) in and unto victory.

O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?

Thanks be to God, Who gives us the victory [making us conquerors] through our Lord Jesus Christ.
(1 Cor 15:51-57)

on hanging in there

These verses from my Bible reading this morning were so, so timely for me, I felt compelled to share them with you:

"And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint.

"So then, as occasion and opportunity open up to us, let us do good [morally] to all people [not only being useful or profitable to them, but also doing what is for their spiritual good and advantage]. Be mindful to be a blessing, especially to those of the household of faith [those who belong to God's family with you, the believers]" (Gal 6:9-10)

Time and time again, God has shown me that when I'm going through a challenging time, the "trick" is to keep steadfast in faith, and go be a blessing to others. When I put my trust and reliance in God -- essentially, when I focus on God, rather than my circumstances, when I get my mind off myself -- I can endure with a peaceful, if not a cheerful, heart. And God is always faithful to deliver me! I can say it now, on hindsight; that's what experience with God does. It's like that hymn, 'Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus, written way back in 1882: "Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!" goes the refrain, "How I've proved Him o'er and o'er!"

Then, my devotion for today was entitled: Go to God first. The quoted Bible verse was: "He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him" (Ps 91:15). Isn't that lovely -- I felt so full of God's comfort and reassurance when I saw that.

This devotion began with the author describing an emotionally painful situation she'd gone through. After it had happened, she sat in her car and prayed, "God I need you to comfort me. I don't want to feel like this... I'm having trouble handling it and I have to have Your help".

"God took the pain and all my bad feelings went away... We tend to do everything we can think of before turning to God, and nothing ever changes the situation. We would be so much better off if our first response to every emergency and every kind of emotional pain were to pray" (extracted from Hearing From God Each Morning, by Joyce Meyer, italics mine).

And then, as I stuck my bookmark in for the next day, I saw that devotion was entitled Sometimes You Just Stand. Well of course I couldn't resist a sneak peek, especially since I noticed I'd underlined parts of it from the year before. Quickly, I read this bit: "Often in our lives, we take action naturally and do little or nothing spiritually. But when we discipline ourselves to be still and wait on the Lord, we are engaging in powerful spiritual activity. Our willingness to be still says to the Lord, 'I am going to wait on You until You do something about this situation. In the meantime, I am going to be peaceful and enjoy my life while I wait on You'".

Have a blessed, peace-filled Tuesday :)

(PS. some people have asked me what version of the Bible I read, that's so full of brackets and things. I read the Amplified Bible, which, as its publisher describes, "takes both word meaning and context into account in order to accurately translate the original text from one language into another. [It] does this through the use of explanatory alternate readings and amplifications to assist the reader in understanding what Scripture really says. Multiple English word equivalents to each key Hebrew and Greek word clarify and amplify meanings that may otherwise have been concealed by the traditional translation method").

beside the everlasting why

Way back when I was a teenager, I'd very much enjoyed a film by Ismail Merchant and James Ivory called A Room with a View. It was a beautiful, brilliant adaptation of E. M. Forster's novel of the same name, and starred many British acting greats, including Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Daniel Day-Lewis, and a very young, very pretty Helena Bonham Carter. It also starred a very swoonworthy Julian Sands, who unfortunately, despite his excellent turn in this movie, went on to star in such dubious things as Arachnophobia, Boxing Helena, and (hm) Smallville.

Well anyway, there was this one part in the film that made a great impression on me at the time (I mean, greater than the other parts that also made a great impression). The scene takes place, I believe, in the Church of Santa Croce. There, Lucy Honeychurch meets the elder Mr Emerson. Both of them start walking together, and then they see Mr Emerson's son George further off, ingeniously putting off an annoying local touter.

Mr Emerson says to Lucy, "My poor boy has brains, but he's very muddled... I don't require you to fall in love with my boy, but please try to help him. If anyone can stop him from brooding... and on what? The things of the Universe. I don't believe in this 'world sorrow', do you? Make my boy realise that at the side of the everlasting 'Why?', there is a 'Yes', and a 'Yes', and a 'YES'!"

For some reason, those words stuck in my head, even as teenager, perhaps because I was a little like George. That "world sorrow" Mr Emerson speaks of, comes, I think, from the German Weltschmerz, which, broadly speaking, refers to one's sadness over the evils of the world. As a child, I had something of that, and I too was continually brooding and asking "Why?". This continued into adulthood, but of course, even as an adult, there is no intellectually satisfying answer.

Strangely, I would periodically recall that scene from the movie, and I did so again just recently. Then this morning, as I read my Bible, I found this:

"For the Son of God, Christ Jesus (the Messiah), Who has been preached among you by us, by myself, Silvanus, and Timothy, was not Yes and No; but in Him it is [always the divine] Yes.

"For as many as are the promises of God, they all find their Yes [answer] in Him [Christ]. For this reason we also utter the Amen (so be it) to God through Him [in His Person and by His agency] to the glory of God" (2 Cor 19-20, italics mine).

Intellectually, I was somehow always stuck at the "everlasting 'Why?'". For uncertainty and not knowing can sometimes drive one crazy... If I felt I had come to some sort of conclusion about an issue, that I'd reasoned it out or got my head wrapped around it, I'd feel better, perhaps deriving comfort from being "in control". But the reality was, I still knew nothing; the fact remains that one cannot have any certainty about anything however much one broods and reasons and thinks.

Since growing in my faith, however, God has lifted me out of that pit. The Bible tells us to "stop being perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life... who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure (cubit) to his stature or to the span of his life?" (Matt 6:25-27).

"[Cast] the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully" (1 Peter 5:7). I remember Joyce Meyer saying once that faith does require some unanswered questions.

I've realised that in order to live at all sanely, if not victoriously, one simply has to stop questioning and asking "Why?" -- one has to accept that one cannot know, but it is enough to know the One who does. So I will have confidence, and put my trust and reliance in God, and press on in faith, realising at last that "at the side of the everlasting 'Why?', there is a 'Yes', and a 'Yes', and a 'YES'!"

on praying for parking space

Yesterday there was a free outdoor pet event at Marina Bay -- people were invited to bring their pets and take part in the event activities, or just picnic and soak in the atmosphere. The Marina Bay promontory is huge and sprawling, with both tiled and grassy areas, so it's perfect for dog-walking, kite-flying, and all that sort of thing.

Well, the kids had already known about the event for at least a week before, and had been hankering to go for it. I was game enough at first, but I gradually grew doubtful, as there were massive thunderstorms in the days leading up to the thing, and it poured non-stop all night long and into the day itself.

But I had to commit one way or the other, because not only were the kids expectant, there were some church friends who were waiting to know our plans as well. I'd already spoken to a couple of them in the morning when it was still raining, and, with the sky looking so dark and sombre, I said I was quite uncertain whether to bother. Marina Bay is pretty far from where we live, the event was hours away in the late afternoon, and what with preparing all the picnic food and bringing along the animals, and packing their things as well as the kids', I said what anyone would -- I'm going to pray for God's guidance.

There's this lovely lady we know at church who prays about everything -- and that includes the so-called little things of our everyday lives, like getting a parking space, or choosing the right present, or where to eat (on why we sometimes don't getting that parking space, you might read some of my thoughts here). My Mom, on the other hand, isn't comfortable with doing that -- she feels she shouldn't bother God with her trivial, petty needs when there are people in the world suffering terribly from wars, natural disasters, and disease.

I understand where my Mom is coming from, but I have to say that since walking more closely with God, I've learnt to approach Him about pretty much every aspect of my life, particularly areas that require guidance, revelation, wisdom and reassurance. "Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything," the Bible says in Philippians 4:6, "but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God" (italics mine).

When we think that God can only be bothered with some of us, and some of our needs, I think we're somehow undervaluing God's perfect love and goodness. It's also like we're undervaluing His omnipotence, as if we think He's got more than enough on His plate. Yet as Paul writes to the Ephesians, "May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love,

"That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God's devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it];

"[That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]...

" [He] is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]" (Eph 3:17-20).

In Matthew 10, it says, "Are not two little sparrows sold for a penny? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father's leave (consent) and notice. But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, then; you are of more value than many sparrows".

As I repeatedly see God's hand of blessing and protection in every area of my life, I cannot help but know and believe that He is with me, that He will never leave me nor forsake me, and that He loves me with an everlasting love. One of my favourite verses in the Bible is 1 Peter 5:7: "[Cast] the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully" (italics mine).

The Bible also tells of the occasion when Jesus' disciples asked Him to teach them to pray. Jesus taught them what we now call the Lord's Prayer, but after teaching them that, He went on to say:

"Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and will say to him, Friend, lend me three loaves [of bread],

"For a friend of mine who is on a journey has just come, and I have nothing to put before him;

"And he from within will answer, Do not disturb me; the door is now closed, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot get up and supply you [with anything]?

"I tell you, although he will not get up and supply him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his shameless persistence and insistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs.

"So I say to you, Ask and keep on asking and it shall be given you; seek and keep on seeking and you shall find; knock and keep on knocking and the door shall be opened to you.

For everyone who asks and keeps on asking receives; and he who seeks and keeps on seeking finds; and to him who knocks and keeps on knocking, the door shall be opened.

"What father among you, if his son asks for a loaf of bread, will give him a stone; or if he asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent?

"Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?

"If you then, evil as you are, know how to give good gifts [gifts that are to their advantage] to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask and continue to ask Him!" (Luke 11:5:13).

More and more I am learning what it means to call God Abba, my heavenly Father. I know how I love and care for my own children, evil though I am -- I care about every detail of my kids' lives, and I want to help them any time they come to me, even if it's about whether they should wear the blue stripey t-shirt or the pink star one. How much more can we expect from God, who is perfect, who is all that is good, who is Love?

I do my earthly best to meet all my children's needs, but beyond that, I do many extra things too, just to show them I love them, just to make them happy. I believe, by approaching God with all our needs, we show our confidence in His love and His good plans for our lives, and we also show that we do want Him, are entirely dependent on Him, in every area of our lives. "Unto You, o Lord, do I bring my life," the psalmist writes.

And how many times, just because my kids keep pestering me, and wear me down by their sheer persistence, do I relent and say, Alright, alright, here you go, ok, let's do that. I believe I'm reflecting a bit, just a tiny tiny bit, of God's perfect love, and God as the perfect parent.

So, even as the clouds hung heavy and threatening in that dark grey sky, I said my morning prayers, and then mentioned my quandary about the evening's picnic. And up in my spirit came God's answer: "Go for it -- it's a beautiful day and you'll have fun".

Well, I told my friends that we would go, and I started making a whole bunch of sandwiches and hard-boiled eggs, and packing the leashes and stuff, and we all -- including Kip and Ming -- piled into the car and went for it. Halfway there my husband said, "Wow, look at those clouds; what if it rains". And I just said, "Nope, it'll be fine. I prayed about it".

And the sun came out, and we all had a wonderful time.

if you're feeling tense...

You can twiddle your thumbs, you can tap your feet
You can twitch your nose, or bounce in your seat
You can stick out your tongue, and waggle it about
But whatever I do, I can't flip out

Awesome advice from our beloved Backyardigans, and perfect moves for when you get out on the wrong side of bed :)

on the tastiness of gossip

Can't we all just learn to live together, by Jamie Shelman

So last night I met up with an old friend I hadn't seen in a while, and of course, in the process of catching up on everything we'd been up to over the past twelve years, she told me about some things that had happened between herself and a mutual acquaintance.

Now I use the term "mutual acquaintance" loosely, because while that person - let's call him Peter - is a friend of some sort to several people I know, I've only met him perhaps once, and then it was of the most insignificant, fleeting nature. He'd had some sort of negative impact on me in the past, but either it was so long ago, or of such a vague nature, or both, that I can't even remember now what it was he did.

However, because Peter knows a few of my own friends, I'd heard enough about him to confirm the negative impression I'd had of him over the years. I'm ashamed to admit that on the odd occasions his name would crop up in my conversations with friends, I'd mentally shake my head, or smirk, or snort, or all three at once.

So anyway, last night my girlfriend told me some things about Peter which, I'm afraid to say, included the word "psycho". And so of course you can imagine me doing the mental head-shake-snort-smirk thing, the whole time I'm listening to the gory details. Naturally, my girlfriend noticed my expression, and asked how I'd known Peter was, indeed, a "psycho".

And as soon as I opened my mouth to say that yeah, I'd always had a negative impression of him ya-di-ya-di-ya, I felt the Holy Spirit convict me. Isn't it Psalm 34 that says, "Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit". Or Proverbs 16 that says, "A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates close friends".

Anxiously, I tried to salvage the situation, by backtracking and saying that I couldn't even remember what Peter had done to me, and that really, most of my feelings were based on hearsay, but of course it all just added to the unfortunate picture we were painting. Because by just looking negative, I'd only confirmed what my girlfriend already thought, and encouraged her to share even more; I'd done nothing in all fairness to help Peter, or to help repair the hurt between the two.

Since starting to walk more closely with God, I've really been trying my best to curb negative, judgmental thoughts and words about others. Sometimes that would entail stopping mid-sentence to literally slap myself and admit to the person I'm talking with that I'd just had a mean thought or was about to say a mean thing.

However, as most of us know, "Gossip is so tasty — how we love to swallow it!" (Prov 18:8). I mean, goodness, people actually publish gossip, and they sell like hotcakes off the newsstand. What is it that makes us talk of, or listen to, the faults and failings of others? Why do we judge and criticise, as if doing so somehow makes us feel or look better? "But I tell you, on the day of judgment men will have to give account for every idle (inoperative, nonworking) word they speak" (Matt 12:36).

It takes a real, conscious effort to refrain from indulging in gossip, or unkind, judgmental thoughts and words. Gossip is so subtle isn't it - we usually substitute it with words like "caring", "worry" or "concern". When we ask our friends to share their stories, or information about people or situations, I think we really need to check our intent and objectives. Are we really hoping to help, or comfort, or heal? Or are we simply being malicious, mean, idle, or plain nosy?

"Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth," Paul writes in Ephesians 4, "but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it".

In Romans 1, Paul speaks of those who have rejected God and embraced a sinful lifestyle:

"And so, since they did not see fit to acknowledge God or approve of Him or consider Him worth the knowing, God gave them over to a base and condemned mind to do things not proper or decent but loathsome,

"Until they were filled (permeated and saturated) with every kind of unrighteousness, iniquity, grasping and covetous greed, and malice. [They were] full of envy and jealousy, murder, strife, deceit and treachery, ill will and cruel ways. [They were] secret backbiters and gossipers,

"Slanderers, hateful to and hating God, full of insolence, arrogance, [and] boasting; inventors of new forms of evil, disobedient and undutiful to parents.

"[They were] without understanding, conscienceless and faithless, heartless and loveless [and] merciless.

"Though they are fully aware of God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve to die, they not only do them themselves but approve and applaud others who practice them" (Rom 1:28-32).

It's horrible to realise that backbiters, gossipers and slanderers are hateful to God; murder, yes, but bad-mouthing? Yet by no stretch of the imagination, one can easily see how gossip feeds enmity, contempt, spite - or worse. How often do we check our hearts for ill-will, cruelty or lovelessness? And how can we walk in love, or make the world a better place, if we keep going around saying such-and-such about so-and-so? For "with his mouth the godless man destroys his neighbor" (Prov 11:9).

And oh man, what do I find in my devotional when I get home? "The Critical Mind". And the quoted verse? "[My] brethren, do not speak evil about or accuse one another. He that maligns a brother or judges his brother is maligning and criticizing the Law and judging the Law. But if you judge the Law, you are not a practicer of the Law but a censor and judge [of it].

"One only is the Lawgiver and Judge Who is able to save and to destroy [the One Who has the absolute power of life and death]. [But you] who are you that [you presume to] pass judgment on your neighbor?" (James 4:11-12, from Battlefield of the Mind devotional, by Joyce Meyer).

Of course, I am certainly not going to repeat anything of what my girlfriend told me, and, with regard to the Peters in my life: "Set a guard, O Lord, before my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips" (Ps 141:3).

let me tell you a story

Mr. Bizzelbeak's Haunted Closet, by Nathan Pitts

My girlfriend called me up today, lamenting this fear she had, which would invariably drive her into a panic every time it reared its ugly head. It reminded me of this story I read once long ago. It's an Ethiopian folktale, I believe, and like many such tales, illustrates a universal, fundamental moral and truth.

It goes something like this. There was once a boy who was so fearful and timid that he was called Miobe, or 'frightened one'. When he asked his family why they called him that, they laughed, and said it was because he was always afraid. Miobe pondered this, and decided that he had to find out how to conquer fear. That night, after everyone had gone to bed, he packed a few things and set out into the great unknown.

After walking a great distance, he came to a village. There he found the villagers gathered together, talking among themselves in great consternation. "What's the matter?" Miobe asked.

"Our village is doomed," said one of the villagers. "There is a monster who lives up on that mountain who threatens to devour us all. It is a gigantic beast, a fearsome dragon who roars like thunder and breathes fire out of its mouth".

As Miobe looked up the mountain, he too began to see the gigantic beast at the top, dark, loud and terrifying. Everyone hurried back into their homes, too afraid to do anything. The village was desolate; no one ploughed the fields or farmed, or went to school or played. "The monster will kill us all!" they said.

Miobe was afraid too, but he saw how miserable and oppressed everyone was, and decided that he had to face this monster. "No, no, don't!" everyone cried, but Miobe took his courage in both hands. "I will conquer fear!" he said stoutly, and set off with determination.

When he reached the base of the mountain and looked up, he saw that the monster was larger and more frightening than anything he could ever have imagined. It breathed fire and roared ferociously. Miobe shivered with fear, but then, he began to climb.

As he did so, he was suprised to see that the monster seemed to be growing a little smaller. Halfway up, he realised that the monster was actually a lot smaller than he'd thought, and it wasn't as loud and fiery as it had seemed before.

Finally, he reached the summit and walked cautiously around. He could see no sign of the monster anywhere. Then suddenly, he heard a tiny croak at his feet. He looked down and saw a little creature like a toad, looking up at him with big, frightened eyes.

Miobe bent down and picked the little creature up in one hand. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Fear," the little creature replied, and then it vanished away into nothingness.

I trust you've been having a fearless, indomitable weekend :)

on love, and staying happy together forever

Tandem, by Aimee Sicuro

Bear with me - this is kind of a long post. But I felt strongly in my spirit that it was important, and I put it together anyway. Valentine's Day is just around the corner. According to Wikipedia, it's "traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as 'valentines')". For whatever reason, many people make an effort on this day to express their love for each other by giving or exchanging tokens of affection, yet fail to perform truly meaningful acts of love the rest of the year (there's Christmas too of course, and I think the same thing then).

Now I certainly don't mean to sound cynical by any means. But when I hear a dear friend sobbing her heart out over her husband's infidelity, I just feel sad. Does real love exist? Or are people just in love with love? Why are these heartbreaking stories so commonplace now? Like that song goes, "I wonder why, doesn't anybody stay together anymore?”

I was reading this magazine article on a famous actress whom I'd often thought very pretty and talented. Through the article, I learnt that she had a 19-month old child, apparently out of wedlock, because the article referred to her "fiancé". Then I saw a quote from the actress in a sidebox: "I'm not about to create scandal in my life. The last thing I want is for my daughter to have that kind of legacy". The article mentioned her own parents' divorce when she was a child and her present procrastination about getting married. "I just don't see [marriage] as the only way to sustain a relationship", she said.

It's the norm now, isn't it? Once upon a time this sort of thing would have been a terrible "scandal", but not anymore. We're so used to these scenarios, we're so accustomed to hearing of people getting together and breaking up as if they were changing clothes, or of people divorcing after just a few years, or even months, together (what exactly happens to the kids?) – we hardly blink an eye.

Actually, I don't think marriage is "the only way to sustain a relationship"; I don’t think marriage is a means of sustaining a relationship at all. That's one of the worst reasons to get married. To me, marriage is in fact a solemn promise, confirmation and proof before man – and God – that husband and wife are committed to each other for life, "for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish until death us do part". But that actress, like many people today, is quite content to be in a relationship – producing children in the meantime – without making any such lifelong, life-impacting vows.

Remember Howard Jones back in 1983? "What is love anyway?" he sang mournfully. "Does anybody love anybody anyway?" Many people welcome, indeed, wholeheartedly relish, the sexual revolution of our age. Jumping from partner to partner, and having sex and kids outside of marriage, has become completely acceptable in our society, and yet many of these same people – while modelling such behaviour – say they wonder and worry about teenage delinquency and pregnancy, crime and broken homes, STDs, and drink and drug abuse. They don't see any connection at all between our lifestyle choices and sexual laxity, and all these terrible social evils with their far-reaching repercussions. The meaning of love seems to have gotten horribly distorted, and chiefly self-centred.

Serendipitously, I'd listened to this Andy Stanley message some time ago, but went back to listen to it again, partly because it's Valentine's, and partly because I was so perturbed about my friend. The 4-part message is entitled Staying in Love, but I believe you can apply much of it to all your relationships, not just your romantic one.

Pastor Andy introduces his message in Part 1; he asks, "Is it possible for two people to be happy together forever?" In his introduction, he refers to the movie Juno, the 2007 film about a teenager dealing with her unplanned pregnancy. Juno says to her father, "I guess I wonder sometimes if people ever stay together for good... like people in love. Dad, I just need to know that it’s possible for two people to stay happy together forever".

"There’s several reasons why it’s so difficult [to stay in love]," Pastor Andy says. "Part of it is what you saw growing up, part of it is what you experienced... the truth is, very few people have ever been around a healthy romantic-marriage-couple relationship... Here's what a lot of us grew up with: do unto others as they deserve to be done unto. Do unto others as they do unto you. Do unto others as your mood would have it. Do unto others so as to get them to see things your way. Do unto others until you wear them down and get your way. Do unto others until you’re ready to leave...

"And then there's another thing which makes it really difficult... our culture has a really low threshold of pain relationally... which means, it doesn't have to hurt too bad, and we decide to get out. Gone are the days where I said 'I do', and I do means I do, and I'm gonna keep doing whether I like it or not... in our culture, the message you and I get every single day is, if you're not happy in your current relationship, it's because you're with the wrong person, you need to re-choose... and if you'll just keep looking, you'll find that soulmate... and if you'll keep moving from relationship to relationship, eventually it's going to happen to you...

"But if you talk to people who've been married 20 years plus, who are still in love, and ask them about that approach, they will tell you: there were times along the way these 20 years that I wondered if I had the right person. But I decided, that the person I chose was going to be the right person, and we’re so glad we worked through those difficulties. Because choosing the right person is part of it; but learning to be and to become the right person is the other part of it...

"Two thousand years ago, Jesus gives us the foundation for enduring relationships... if two people will simply accept this basic teaching of Jesus: 'A new command I give you: Love one another'.

"Jesus takes a word that we normally use as a noun, and he makes it a verb... [Jesus says] I know love is something you fall into like a pool, and out of like a high chair; I realise love is like a noun. But I'm making it a verb... You [complain], 'She does this, she does that...' and Jesus would look at you and say, 'Well, are you loving her? You're confusing noun and verb, you’re saying you’re not 'feeling it'. You got to do it, and then you feel it.

"Your relationship started off 'feeling it', and then the feeling went away, and you're trying to get the feeling back, and you're thinking, the only way to get the feeling back is to meet somebody new... Jesus says, Here's how it works... the foundation of staying in love is to make love a verb.

"The goal isn't to recapture a feeling... in the relationship, the feeling is the kaboose of the train; it ain't the engine. It starts off as the engine, but then it goes to the back of the train... When two people actively love one another, it rekindles and continues to kindle and enrich and make better the 'in love' part of the relationship...

"But He doesn't stop there... 'As I have loved you, so you must love one another' [John 13:34 (TNIV)]... He says, I don't want you to take your cue from culture... or your parents or your in-laws... when you think about what does it mean to love like a verb, I want you to take your cue from Me... I will teach you how to love – not how to be in love – but how to stay in love...

"Years later, the apostle Paul comes along, takes this same idea and says it in a different way... he just uses a different word than love, but it's the very same thing: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph 5:21)... It's the same as 'love one another'... The bottom line for people who are going to stay in love is mutual submission.

"Mutual submission says, 'In our relationship, you're the priority'... It's a decision you make... I am choosing to place myself under you, and you are choosing to place yourself under me... You stay in love when every single day you decide, and he or she decides, 'Today he's first, today she's first’... And when you do, that thing that's so wonderful about meeting and falling in love can be maintained; it can even get better".

In Part 4, Pastor Andy talks about the "magic formula" of how happy couples stay in love: they've learned what to place in the gaps between expectations and reality. "Everybody who's in love makes this kind of choice almost every single day," he says, "and the habit you have, the way that you approach this choice, will have a lot to do with whether you're able to stay in love".

Then, he refers to 1 Cor 13:4-7, the famous "love chapter": 'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres'.

"Paul is getting at one of the most important habits or practices in a love relationship... In every relationship, there is a gap between our expectations and how people behave... here's the choice you make all the time: in every one of these gaps, we put something. We either choose to believe the best, or we assume the worst - every single time...

"We begin to develop an attitude when there's a gap... We all put something in that gap, and what we put in that gap begins in our minds, and eventually comes out of our mouth, or out of our behaviour...

"People who stay in love learn to believe the best... which means they are generous, generous in their explanation [as to why there's a gap]"... When you choose to assume the worst – every time you choose to go negative – you have contributed to the demise of your relationship.

"Let me tell you something about your fiancé, the person you love, your spouse – the last thing they want to do, is disappoint you. I don't care who you are – no one wants to disappoint the person they're in a relationship with. When you go negative, what it communicates is this: no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you will never measure up, you will never hit the standard, you will never get to where I expect you to be.

"And every time you overtly or covertly or subtly communicate that, you push them further and further away... When you choose to believe the best, even when there's a pattern of the person not being everything you think they should be, it creates margin, and a healthy person responds to that margin and begins to move in your direction.

"If you have consistently assumed the worst, they're afraid of you, they dread the response, they're scared to death of what you're going to do and they put off [facing you] because they don't want to disappoint you, they don't want to be made to feel like they can't measure up – nobody wants to feel that.

"When you believe the best, by choice, what you communicate is, 'I trust you'. Trust in a relationship means 'I accept you'. Acceptance means 'you have not disappointed me'... Our hearts are drawn toward environments of acceptance... Here's how Jesus summed the whole thing up: Do to others as you would have them do to you (Luke 6:31)...

"Let me tell you why all this is so important. Yeah, it's important because we want to have happy relationships, happy marriages... the other reason is because those of us who are adults, have coming up behind us a generation of kids, many of whom may have never seen and may never see a great relationship; they won't even know what they're shooting for when they become adults. We have the opportunity to model a brand new kind of relationship... But there's something that makes this even more important. There will be nothing that speaks louder to our culture about Christianity than our marriages".

As you're wrapping your roses, and boxing your chocolates, I strongly, strongly encourage you to take some time to listen to Pastor Andy's entire message. You can find it here. Interestingly, in Part 1, he mentions a study that had been done to find out what it takes "for a child to grow up in a very nurturing environment and to leave adolescence emotionally-equipped to engage in long-term relationships.

"Here's what it takes – you need to grow up in a home where you get respect – and this is like massive doses of all of this – respect, encouragement, comfort, security, support, acceptance, approval, appreciation, attention and affection". Let's bear this in mind every day we raise our own little Valentines.

eye candy

So my girlfriend has been going on about what a hottie she thinks Brandon Fehr is. Which just confirms to both of us that, similar as we are, our taste in men is just totally, completely different lol. Well, just for fun today -- and yes, I'm saying upfront now that this is a completely inane, frivolous post -- I put together all the actors I think are swoon-worthy. On reflection, it seems age is not a problem for me haha... Inane I know, but doesn't a little eye candy make you smile? Just a little bit?

Clockwise from top left: Gary Oldman, Mark Strong, Gabriel Byrne, Tom Hardy, Christian Bale and James McAvoy. Feel free to add to the list ;)

on superstition, and faith

The Reluctant Dragon, by Maxfield Parrish

My cousin was telling me about an exchange she'd recently had with a colleague. It was the start of the lunar new year, and this colleague, a Christian, had emailed her: "May the Water Dragon give you good health, peace, happiness, and protection from all evil!"

My cousin, who's also a Christian, was a little taken aback – his remark sounded decidedly, well, un-Christian to her. After all, isn't it more than a little significant that one could easily replace the words "water dragon" in that line with "God"? Thinking he must have been speaking in jest, she asked him if he'd said what he had with "tongue planted firmly in cheek".

His reply was unexpected – "Not really". He then followed that with a fairly lengthy explanation of the dragon's historical significance in Chinese history, and its role in dispelling evil.

He ended off with citing an occasion in his own company's history that involved assembling a dragon for a particular performance. Apparently, this had not been done with sufficient "respect", and was the cause of – in his eyes – an unparalleled corporate disaster.

"I'm just trying to convey here that this powerful mythical animal has to be respected", he told my cousin. "Philip [another colleague at the time] was equally uneasy [about the way the dragon had been assembled], but he was, and still is, a staunch Catholic".

Well, my cousin couldn't help feeling a little disturbed by what he was saying. She felt she couldn't simply remain silent, for that would somehow reflect a sort of acquiescence, and yet she did not want to get into an all-out debate with this long-time colleague either. In the end, she gingerly asked, "Um... do you feel that your beliefs are at odds with your being a Christian? I was just wondering".

Her colleague's reply was curt and to the point. "It is the Chinese tradition and culture we have been soaked in all our life. I will still lo hei and expect whatever wishes that are made to come true [lo hei is a raw fish salad made up of various symbolically-rich ingredients which diners mix by extravagantly tossing, purportedly to bring good luck, prosperity and longevity to the new year];

"I will continue to partake in eating birthday noodles for long life; I will still avoid walking under the ladder if I can help it etc etc. However, if I don't get to do them, I don't expect my wishes not to be answered, my life to be shortened, or bad luck to come to me. Like I said, it's the tradition and the culture. It's not my FAITH. That's a difference, right? No reply needed".

Well, my cousin was sufficiently perturbed by this last response to talk to me about it. I was too busy at the time to write an adequately thought-out reply, and simply wrote, "The very fact that he says "I will still lo hei and expect whatever wishes made to come true" shows that he is indeed "soaked" in the Chinese superstitious stuff... and not just Chinese actually, because he even brought up the ladder bit...

"Your FAITH is what you believe, where you put your belief, what you ascribe power to... he reminds me of Edwin - covering all bases [a friend of ours who claims to be Christian, yet has god of fortune statuettes all over his place, and all the necessary elemental features in their most appropriate feng shui positions]... your colleague's like the kings in the Bible, who kept their idols, but ran to God's prophets when they were desperate and needed help".

I think my reply was satisfactory enough for my cousin, who probably wanted to just vent more than anything else, and I thought that was enough for me too, but I realised, over the next few days, that it was not, and that I was bothered in my spirit about it. And then finally this morning, as I was reading my Bible, these verses just leapt out at me: "How can you say, I am not defiled; I have not gone after the Baals [other gods]? Look at your way in the valley; know what you have done...

"[Cease from your mad running after idols, from which you get nothing but bitter injury.] Keep your feet from being unshod and your throat from thirst. But you said, It is hopeless! For I have loved strangers and foreigners, and after them I will go...

"[Inasmuch as] they say to a tree, You are my father, and to a stone, You gave me birth. For they have turned their backs to Me and not their faces; but in the time of their trouble, they say, Arise [O Lord] and save us!

"But where are your gods that you made for yourself? Let them arise if they can save you in the time of your trouble!" (Jer 2:23-28).

I don't know that one can actually separate "faith" from "belief". No no, you cannot! I still hold to what I wrote to my cousin, that faith is what you believe, where you put your belief, what you ascribe power to; it is what you loyally keep to, what you put your trust and confidence in. As the Lord commands, "You shall have no other gods before or besides Me.

"You shall not make yourself any graven image [to worship it] or any likeness of anything that is in the heavens above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth;

"You shall not bow down yourself to them or serve them" (Ex 20:3-5).

I don't think "gods" here refers only to manmade idols, or Moloch or Zeus or Horus. I think one risks making a god of anything that one bows to, is subject to, or gives the honour, fear and respect that is due only to God - and that includes superstition, other people's approval, even one's own feelings.

When I started trying to walk more closely with God, I became more conscious of my own superstitious beliefs and practices. Some of them are so common that they've become "mainstream", acceptable. One of them, for example, was knocking on wood, or saying, as they do in my corner of the world, "touch wood".

Yet doing this links one back to the ancient belief that the gods lived in the trees, and that when you needed help or a favour, you'd touch the tree and speak to it, and then knock on it in thanks. Knocking on wood also prevented roaming evil spirits from hearing of your good fortune and trying to spoil it.

Well, suffice to say I no longer do things like that. In all my hopes and needs and fears, I trust to God; He is my provider and my salvation – I trust to His providence, His protection, His good plan for my life. Superstition is, I think, based on fear and uncertainty, and it can engender fear and uncertainty in the one who practices it, be it ever so subtly, taking one away from that peace and security that can only be found in God.

When we turn to other things, bow to other forces, in superstitious fear, we're in essence saying - "Yeah, I'm a Christian, I believe in God, but I've got my back-up plans in case He doesn't come through for me, in case He doesn't do what I want. I know He's powerful and all, but one can't pooh-pooh the power of lo hei or avoiding ladders either – I don't really know whether He has authority over all of it. I won't necessarily freak out if I don't get to do those things, but ideally I will, and I will make the effort. It's best to have one's bases covered – one can't be too careful!"

It occurred to me last night during my prayers that the words and actions of my cousin's colleague not only affected his own faith, and those around him, but future generations as well – his children would grow up steeped in his beliefs and fears, as would his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. That's why everyone’s still lo hei-ing right?

Now don't get me wrong – I don't have any problem with tradition per se. Lo hei is a great social activity and can be loads of noisy, messy fun. But if you ascribe power to it, if you believe that doing it will somehow harness the potent forces of fate or fortune or lady luck, if you really expect that it will help "make your wishes come true"…

I go to the reunion dinners, I exchange the oranges, I give the red packets – not because I somehow believe in their intrinsic power, but because they bring people together in love and warmth, they strengthen and encourage family ties, they tangibly show my affection and good wishes.

Well, as it says in Luke 16:15, "God knows your hearts", and what "is exalted and highly thought of among men" may not be so in the sight of God.

(And oh, re that bit about walking under a ladder – well yeah, you might get punished for walking through the sacred triangle, the symbol of life, formed by the ground and the leaning ladder. Or yeah, you might risk death if the shadow of a man executed by hanging from the ladder fell on you. But it'd probably just be better to avoid walking under a ladder because of what our God-given common sense tells us – that ladder might fall).

on trains, and thanking God

This past Thursday, the railway system here suffered a massive breakdown during rush hour, affecting over a hundred thousand passengers, and trapping some one thousand passengers in the four trains that had stalled. The trapped commuters were stuck in the carriages for hours, with neither sufficient light nor ventilation; some even broke the train windows with a fire extinguisher to let air in. Passengers reported the heat, stuffiness and chaos, the crying of uncomfortable babies -- all of which one can easily imagine with dismay.

The wondrous part for me is that the kids and I were actually heading home on the train that day, exactly during that time. I remember standing with B, pressed in by the crowd, thinking, "O fine, it's rush hour" (thankfully, a kind man had given up his seat to Ro, who had fallen asleep).

But miraculously, our train ran fine, and, except for one hard, sudden lurch, we got home safely. It wasn't till the next morning that I learnt of what had happened and how narrowly we had escaped it.

Naturally, the breakdown has been a hot topic in the news, and this morning it was a topic of discussion at our family breakfast too. As my mother left the table, still marvelling at how we'd avoided that situation, she repeated what she had said to me the day before: "Thank God He took care of you. We really have a lot to be thankful for".

Of course I agreed, and was about to leave the table too, when my cousin -- who isn't a Christian, or might perhaps best be described as agnostic -- said, "Why do you all say things like that? So, 'too bad' for those other people? You thank God for taking care of you; the 'flip side' of that would be that God did not take care of them".

"That's not what it's about," I started to say.

"No of course it's not," he snorted. "It always comes to that. But you know me, I think logically first" (the obvious inference being that we God-followers don't).

I was so perturbed by what he said, or the very fact that he was saying it, that I couldn't seem to decently organise my thoughts and words. "God uses different situations to teach us different things," was sort of what I feebly came up with. "His care for us doesn't always show in the obvious ways we immediately think of".

I realise I don't have the eloquence even now, away from the source of perturbation, to properly explain God's hand in our lives. And I realise that delving into this could lead to profound, unanswerable questions about evil and suffering and so forth, which I won't, and can't, get into.

But to thoughtlessly, contemptuously, say that God is uncaring -- based on superficial evidence, and without any in-depth knowledge or experience of God -- is simply too much for a Christian to ignore. "Why thank God for some random, meaningless circumstance?" he was in essence saying. "Why thank God for anything really?"

What my cousin said reflects the views of many secular people I think; the belief that God doesn't really exist, and if He did, He's distant and indifferent; that it all really boils down to luck or fortune or whatever it is you want to call it.

Well, I think that there is some degree of randomness in life -- stuff happens -- but God's character, His goodness and love, are certain and unchanging.

I don't know that God actually caused the breakdown (in this case I'd be more inclined to blame human error), but I believe He used it, as He does all trials and tribulations, to some good purpose.

How can our small, finite minds ever fully comprehend God's purposes and plans? We can't, but we can trust to His goodness and His love. Romans 8:28 says, "We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labour] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose" (italics mine).

Perhaps there were people that day who got a lesson in patience, or fortitude, or kindness, or facing their fears. Perhaps there were people whose faith needed to be strengthened, or whose pride needed to be humbled. Perhaps human flaws like carelessness, irresponsibility or greed had to be exposed. Perhaps it was all for the good of just a hundred people out of the thousands, or perhaps it was just a handful, or perhaps just one.

I'm not talking only about the people who were actually there that day, taking, or working on, the trains -- I'm talking about anyone at all connected to the situation, however remote; anyone who has any sort of knowledge at all about what happened, like people who watch it on the news in another country for instance, even if it's a week from now, or a decade. Who can grasp how far God's reach is?

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord.

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts" (Isa 55:8-9).

Many of us are familiar with the story of Lazarus, the brother of Mary and Martha. One day the sisters sent to Jesus, telling Him that their brother was sick. But although the Bible says Jesus loved the three siblings, He did not go to their aid immediately. In fact, he stayed away until Lazarus finally died.

"When Jesus received the message, He said, This sickness is not to end in death; but [on the contrary] it is to honor God and to promote His glory, that the Son of God may be glorified through (by) it...

"Therefore [even] when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He still stayed two days longer in the same place where He was...

"Jesus told [the disciples] plainly, Lazarus is dead,

"And for your sake I am glad that I was not there; it will help you to believe (to trust and rely on Me). However, let us go to him" (John 11:4-15).

Jesus let Lazarus and his sisters go through their suffering. He did so for a purpose. I suppose He could have rushed to them as soon as he got word of Lazarus' sickness and spared them all a great deal of pain and grief, but He didn't. Instead He actually said "I am glad that I was not there; it will help you to believe (to trust and rely on Me)".

The way Jesus showed His love and caring was not in the overt way we would have immediately expected. But just because He did not answer their prayers in the patently obvious way they wanted Him to, does not mean He did not hear or answer them, or care.

We all go through different things at different times -- sometimes we're home free, but yes, sometimes we're stuck in a stuffy, miserable train. I think how we respond to those times, how we learn from them, how we use our faith, determines the quality and outcome of our lives, our levels of peace and joy.

Sometimes we have to go through the trials, like Mary and Martha, to see God’s glory, His power and goodness at work in our lives.

I don't think it's the natural "flip side" that God wasn't caring for the people who were caught in the breakdown. Besides the obvious care -- along the "thank God it was no worse" line, or "thank God we even have a transport system to complain about" -- there are often things which God delivers us from, which are never apparent at the time, of which we never know till later (or perhaps never at all in this lifetime). How often have we heard people say things like, "Thank goodness such and such happened, or I would have so on and so forth. I hated it at the time, but I'm so grateful for it now".

I think His providence is also manifest in the grace and strength He gives us to endure, to press on and press through. We live in a sinful, imperfect world; if our faith and hope are in Him, we can go through our trials peacefully, and with confidence.

His lovingkindness toward each of us is personal, and we are called to "thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will]" (1 Thess 5:18, italics mine).

Becky came in soon after my cousin had left, and saw me sitting alone, looking troubled. She asked what the matter was, so I told her. And she said, "Never mind, he doesn't understand. Even if we had been the ones who had gotten stuck on the train, we would still have thanked God, and God would still have taken care of us".

why worry

I'd been wanting to write about this for a long time now, but when this next thing happened, I felt strongly in my spirit that I really needed to share this with everyone.

Well firstly, if you've read my blog at all, you'll know that one thing God has been dealing with me on, and helping me to overcome, is worry. Worry had become pretty much a habit with me, an instinct almost, so it is with immense gratitude that I say that God has really brought me far in my journey of conquering it. And as Joyce Meyer likes to say, I'm not where I need to be yet, but I thank God I'm not where I used to be.

So yes, sometimes I do have "moments". Or perhaps more precisely, "bouts". Much, much fewer than before though, thank God. Well, it was during one such bout that I cried out to God for revelation on what I needed to do to overcome worry. And God brought this phrase to my mind: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness".

The more I thought about it, the more I realised, with increasing clarity, that yes -- seek God first, seek His way first, and everything else will fall into place.

The whole verse is "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matt 6:33).

I looked up the verse in its greater context and it was this: "Therefore I tell you, stop being perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink; or about your body, what you shall put on... who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure (cubit) to his stature or to the span of his life? ...

"But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides".

It came upon me with greater clarity than ever before that, as it says in Col 3:2, I needed to set my mind -- and keep it set -- on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth. In other words, to put God and His way first. If I kept my mind on God -- His goodness, His faithfulness, His love -- then it wouldn't have the room or inclination for worry or fear or negativity.

So well and good -- I embarked on actively seeking, or putting, God first. And truly I tell you, it does, it really does, enable one to enter that wonderful peace of God, that peace that surpasses understanding. And God does take care of the rest.

But it has to be active of course, it has to be a continual, conscious, concerted effort. And if you've ever battled any sort of bad habit or addiction, you'll know that it's not something you have victory in overnight; you can still have those "moments" and "bouts". But thank God that He transforms us bit by bit, "from one degree of glory to another".

And so I kept on praying about it, and, in that amazing way God has, I was led to that "next thing" I was talking about. He somehow put it in my heart to go look up "Andy Stanley".

Now if you don't know, Andy Stanley is the senior pastor of North Point Community Church, Buckhead Church, and Browns Bridge Community Church. He also founded North Point Ministries, a worldwide Christian organisation. I certainly didn't know all that -- I had to Wiki it just now.

I didn't know anything much about him at all in fact, beyond having briefly seen him once on some Joyce Meyer broadcast, and even then I didn't really take him in. But on this present occasion, I felt in my spirit that I really should go look him up on Youtube, and more than that, to look up the words "Andy Stanley worry".

And lo and behold, up came a bunch of videos that had been uploaded by North Point Ministries, and the first on the list was entitled Why Worry. Well hello Pastor Andy Stanley!!

I listened to all three parts, and I have to tell you -- coupled with my earlier revelation, his messages really really spoke to me. I didn't know he was such an inspired, eloquent speaker. And funny too! I love the way he manages to bring the Bible home to us in this present age, such that it loses that distant, foreign quality it sometimes has. I'm so so glad I was led to search him out, and I wanted to just share some of his insights -- perhaps they will be helpful and transforming for you too.

Well the video in this post is part 2 in the series, which was particularly meaningful to me, but really, do try to listen to all three parts. Part 1 can be found here, and Part 3 here.

In part 1, Pastor Andy starts with Matt 6:24: "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stand by and be devoted to the one and despise and be against the other. You cannot serve God and mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions, or whatever is trusted in)" (italics mine).

"The thing you worry about the most," Pastor Andy says, "is the thing you are most devoted to... the things that you worry about reflect your core devotions...

"Jesus says, 'I'm not discounting the importance of any of [the things you worry about]... the reason you're so worried is because you're so hyper-focused, and your devotion goes with your focus, and your emotion follows your devotion, and it's just a big mess and you're in a tailspin...

"'OK, [Jesus says], so if you don't like my plan... then go ahead and get hyper-focused on what about what about what about what about, and what if what if what if what if, and if it can't, and what if I dont... go ahead and get like super hyper-focused on all those things, and then ask yourself this question -- am I helping myself'?

"Let me ask you a dfferent way -- can you, by worrying in this now, bring certainty to the next now? Can you, by worrying today, create certainty in the next day? No.

"If I've done all I can do in the now that I do have some control over, can God be trusted in the next now that I have no control over? If so, I'm not going to worry. And I'm not not going to worry because I know whats going to happen -- I'm not going to worry because I'm trusting the only One that can do anything about tomorrow".

In Part 2, Pastor Andy considers v32 in the same chapter: "For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all".

"You don't stop worrying by trying to stop worrying," he says. "Part of the problem is -- and if you don't understand the problem you'll never embrace the solution -- it's a faith problem. Your faith is small. You've not allowed your faith to go the next step. You've not even followed your faith to its logical conclusion".

Particularly impactful to me was this: "If you're so stressed out and bent out of shape over all these things that you can't get to anything else, you're so distracted -- you're acting like people who don't even believe there is a God. You're living your life practically as an atheist.

"The issue is your devotion," he says. "The solution to worry is redirecting your devotion". And this is where that wonderful verse 33 comes in.

"But seek first... in other words, what you have been seeking first is the wrong thing, what you have been extraordinarily devoted to, is leading you to the valley of worry...

"Jesus says, 'I know you're freaked out, and I know you're worried... you don't stop worrying by trying to stop worrying. you stop worrying by exchanging devotions...

"You say, 'that scares me to death'... well, there's another option -- just worry. [You think] 'If I open up my hands and offer God everything, what if He takes it?' Well, what do you think is happening right this minute? Why do you think you're so worried? Because you can't control it anyway".

In Part 3, Pastor Andy shares some inspiring lessons from the story of Elijah and Jezebel which can be found in 1 kings 19.

In it, Jezebel threatens to kill Elijah "by this time tomorrow", and the prophet panics and flees -- despite having just killed several hundred Baal prophets by God's power. Afraid, Elijah runs for his life into the wilderness, where he tells God he has had enough and just wants to die.

"Isn't it amazing," Pastor Andy says, "how today's worries can erase God's past faithfulness". It is so so true. He tells of a couple who wrote him a long letter detailing how God helped them through their adoption difficulties -- he says he told them to keep a copy of that letter so that when some future incident arose which caused them to worry and doubt God's faithfulness, they would have that letter to remind them. Perhaps my own posts here serve a similar purpose.

"We're simply to do what we know to do today, and we're to trust God with tomorrow," Pastor Andy says. "And when those whispering voices come, and when all of a sudden your mind begins to go down the trail of worry, and you begin to make a decision that's going to take you off-centre -- that's when you need to say no, no, no, no, no -- God, I've done all I can do today, I'll see You in my tomorrow... I am going to walk into tomorrow confident that my God is with me".