the five fingers

B loves playing on Haring Kids during the rare little sessions she gets on my computer. The site has several games and activities utilising the late Keith Haring's artwork, which aren't the usual run of shooting things or dressing them up. One of the activities involves writing a story about the Haring illustration above. B came up with:

Once upon a time, the five fingers were bored. They were tired from helping the hand do things. So they decided to run away from the hand. At night, they quietly tiptoed away. This made the hand very sad. It was hard for it to do things without fingers. The next day the hand suggested they should go to the disco. So they all went to the disco and had a great time DANCING!!!The End!

Opsite dressings

Clumsy people! Or people with crazy children who at some point will scrape their knees and elbows! I just wanted to share with you my favourite discovery in first aid products -- OPSITE clear film dressings by Smith & Nephew (available at most regular pharmacies I suppose).

Poor R recently scraped her elbow and both her knees pretty badly, and I've been using OPSITE Post-Op dressings on the wounds. On the box it says, "OPSITE Post-Op dressings are clear and waterproof, and allow the skin to breathe. They also provide a barrier to bacteria and are flexible to allow movement. The dressings have a highly absorbent pad".

But on the product site it says, "The revised OPSITE Post-Op dressings combine the features of the current OPSITE Post-Op dressings with the high MVTR REACTIC hydrophilic polyurethane film used to manufacture OPSITE IV3000 Transparent Adhesive Film Dressings. The patented REACTIC film is 3 to 8 times more permeable to water vapor than standard film dressings. It can "switch" in the presence of moisture allowing excess moisture to transpire off". WOW.

I find these dressings brilliant -- they're very soft and flexible (great for awkward angles!), easy to use, stick well without being disgusting-sticky, and are quite nice-looking too. And isn't the packaging cute -- it actually lists out the specific types of wounds you can use each dressing for. The pharmacy had run out of the Post-Op, so I got Flexigrid as well. They're supposed to be "thin, breathable and clear, and are clinically proven to help wounds heal faster and with less pain than traditional dressings". Cool!

loving today

1. Gold ripple earrings by Laura Lombardi
2. Floral jacket by Three Little Ducks
3. Vintage 60s black wicker purse by The Vintage Cabin
4. Art Deco skyscraper library bookends by Daily Memorandum
5. The paper boat and the wave screen print by Bear Follows Cat
6. Little nesting bird ring by SilverBlueberry

on e-collar times

Forbearance, patience, forgiveness, joy, living in the now -- we've lots to learn from
this little moptop!

Kip somehow managed to break her toe and rip out her nail, so she has to go about with the dreaded Elizabethan collar for another week or so (she's already worn it for two). But see what a happy camper she is nonetheless?

She had quite an awful time at the vet, poor thing, but it says a lot about you if you can stop yourself from biting, and still lick and wag your tail at, the chap who just made you scream.

Sometimes we have to go through times with an e-collar on -- times of pain and hurt that weigh on us, affect our everyday lives, upset our equilibrium, and just seem to stretch on and on. Those really are the times we need to cling to God and walk in faith even more, reminding ourselves of His faithfulness, power and goodness.

Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You". "For though the mountains should depart and the hills be shaken or removed, yet My love and kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace and completeness be removed, says the Lord, Who has compassion on you" (Isa 54:10).

"Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]" (John 14:27).

"For You, Lord, will bless the [uncompromisingly] righteous [him who is upright and in right standing with You]; as with a shield You will surround him with goodwill (pleasure and favor)" (Ps 5:12).

I am also particularly fond of this Scripture: "And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint" (Gal 6:9). Remember that "... amid all these things we are more than conquerors and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loved us" (Rom 8:37).

Meditating on such Scriptures throughout my day are such a wonderful help and reassurance to me, especially if I have to carry an e-collar type burden. But just look at Kip -- we can stay peaceful, we can stay joyful. We can choose to be positive and keep a good, thankful attitude, and not waste the present being negative and depressed. For equally true about e-collar times is that old proverb, "This too shall pass".

The American writer Helen Steiner Rice wrote a lovely poem on this:

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be

If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me

If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too

Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all of the chains

That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

Being a sympathetic friend is always nice too.

Hang in there, dear reader!

there are no bad dogs

I was greatly saddened to read recently of a 4-year-old boy who was mauled to death by the "family" Cane Corso. According to reports, the child’s siblings, only two and five years old, were injured, and watched their brother being killed from under a bed.

I can’t imagine how terribly that child and his siblings must have suffered. But as with many other similar cases, I think with great sadness of the animal involved as well. Often these are animals who simply aren’t in the right place, with the right people. In this case, it seems the Corso’s owner used to regularly punch and kick the dog, and boast of the dog’s violent temperament -– not the best thing for any dog, let alone a Corso. All dogs need to be well socialised – and well treated – not only as puppies, but throughout their lives, so that they will be good canine citizens with whom you can trust anyone.

If you have young children, please please think carefully about your choice of pet. Do your research thoroughly before ever bringing an animal home, and then be sure you devote all the time and energy necessary to socialising and training him or her. With dogs, there are breed generalisations that should not be dismissed –- for example, a Cane Corso is a powerful dog that has a naturally strong protective instinct which would require excellent socialising, training and leadership on the part of his owner –- but of course, every dog is an individual with his own unique characteristics. Many people seem to think dogs and kids are a naturally wonderful combination, but handled incorrectly, this can prove horribly wrong.

If you are thinking about bringing a dog home, be sure to find out all you can about the breed beforehand; consider everything from size and sex, to temperament and energy levels. Ask yourself honestly and repeatedly if you really do have the time to socialise and train a dog –- because really, these should be ongoing throughout the dog’s life, and are crucial to a happy relationship, both from the humans’ point of view, and the dog’s. Adult supervision is vitally important when socialising a dog with children, and never think that a dog who merely tolerates children can be safely left with them.

I think that well-known quote -– there are no bad dogs, only bad owners –- is so very true. If you are the type who likes punching and kicking dogs, and encouraging violence through harsh, unloving treatment, please don’t bring any animal home, let alone a big dog for your little kids. By the same token though, spoiling or neglecting is also detrimental. I’ve seen too many dogs put down at the shelter because parents belatedly realise that they chose the “wrong” animal, or how much actual work raising a good dog requires, especially when young children are involved. Please think carefully and don’t be guilty of destroying any innocent lives.

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader.
He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
Author unknown, but very much agreed with

Victorian advice for modern Moms?

Queen Victoria and Princess Beatrice, scanned from an old newspaper, ca. 1862

I recently finished -- or rather, plodded through -- The Last Princess by Matthew Dennison, a biography of Princess Beatrice, the last child born to Prince Albert and Queen Victoria. While I found the book as a whole unfortunately lacklustre, there were these couple of gems I made note of and thought to share. While quoted from the text, they are essentially the words of Prince Albert, the Queen, and William Lamb, 2nd Viscount Melbourne, not the author.

"'It is indeed a pity that you find no consolation in the company of your children,' Prince Albert wrote to his wife, in one of those careful, measured missives that were his chosen channel of correction when an outburst of the Queen's temper threatened to overwhelm them both. 'The root of the trouble lies in the mistaken notion that the function of a mother is to be always correcting, scolding, ordering them about and organising their activities. It is not possible to be on happy friendly terms with people you have just been scolding'" (The Last Princess, p.11).

"The Queen's warnings to the Crown Princess over the education of the latter's first child... 'Too much constant watching leads to the very dangers hereafter which one wishes to avoid' -- echo the advice Melbourne had given the Queen twenty years earlier, which she had then summarily ignored: 'Be not over solicitous about education. It may be able to do much, but it does not do so much as is expected from it. It may mould and direct the character, but it rarely changes it" (The Last Princess, p.15-16).

loving today

1. Dipping dish - ginkgo leaves by Hope Johnson
2. Black and Blue postcard set by Hello Jenuine
3. Bodalla ruffle sleeve top by Beattie Lanser
4. Market bag “Daily” by Neiko Designs
5. Siesta linen cushion by Roddy & Ginger
6. Vintage 50s rockabilly pin-up heels by Top Special Vintage

(Photograph is copyright Reuters, 1987)

While Bonnie and I were at the vet, I was very struck by this photograph of Minstrel the cat testing a line-up of dogs at the Metropolitan Police Dog Training School in Keston, England. Aren't those dogs beautiful! And that cat sure is something!

my Bonnie -- who died today, aged 10

In their deaths they were not divided.

My beautiful blue-eyed Bonnie has died. Just over two months since Radar, her lifelong partner, left. I knew that with Radar’s passing, Bonnie just wouldn’t be the same anymore, and indeed, she did become more and more depressed, spending her days just sitting and staring, like many a despondent nursing home inmate. A lonely old age is a very sad thing, and of course I knew that I could never be to Bonnie what Radar had been.

I will always remember Bonnie for the wonderful feistiness she had hidden under her gentle exterior. She gave way to Radar in a lot of things, but she also bossed him around in others. She knew what she wanted, and she went for it – whether it was raisins, or kicking out the gigantic New Zealand white rabbit rescue who temporarily came to stay.

A younger Bonnie and a younger B.

I guess it was that quiet spiritedness that kept her going to such a ripe old age, but it was still so very sad to see her slowly slipping away. At the same time, I felt that perhaps she didn’t mind going so much, because her quality of life just wasn’t the same anymore. Besides the fact that Radar was gone, she was in pain and gradually lost the ability to hold herself up, so that she could no longer do anything basic for herself. Knowing how fastidious she was, that couldn’t have helped her feelings.

Except for the temporary paralysis she endured from a spinal injury when she was about five, Bonnie was the most easy to care for rabbit I’d ever known (besides Radar of course, who never gave any problems either). People would tell me about all the various ailments their rabbits had – from mites and sore hocks to serious GI trouble – and I always marvelled at how Bonnie and Radar were so straightforward and uncomplicated.

I used to joke in the past that I wasn’t really a “rabbit person” – Bonnie and Radar were rescues who literally dropped into my life – I am therefore eternally grateful to both of them for introducing me to the fascinating world of rabbits, and showing me that rabbits really are as responsive, smart, quirky and loving as any cat or dog one might know, or be more accustomed to.

My sweet Bonnie toward the end; she could no longer lift her head.

Just as I used to marvel at how easy Bonnie and Radar were, I used also to marvel at their hardiness, and my Mom and I used to say they seemed like they would live forever. But of course, nothing does… the years pass, and Bonnie’s once lush dark fur became lighter and flecked with white… and finally I said good night to her as I stroked her head and saw the sparkle go out from her lovely eyes, so unusual and blue like cornflowers. O Bonnie, Bonnie, I miss you so. It is so painful to realise how much someone means to you when they have gone.

Bonnie rests next to Radar now, and roses will grow over her grave as they do over his.

In a place of enchantment where the wild things are known
Will the future remember when the lovers are gone

And I see them dancing somewhere in the moonlight
Somewhere in Alaska, somewhere in the sun
I hear them singing a song for all lovers
A song for the two hearts beating only as one
A song for the two hearts beating only as one

From John Denver's A Song For All Lovers

loving today

1. Shelter Dogs No. 24 print by Susan Sabo Photography
2. Shelter Dogs No. 16 print by Susan Sabo Photography
3. Siamese Mouse by Mud Stuff
4. Vanilla bean macarons by The Whimsical Spoon
5. The Ghost's Library Num. 27 by Moon Is Singing Photos
6. Tommy tool bag in natural canvas and leather by Sidney & Sons

on line-cutters, or more walking in love

So today I was out with the kids, and while lining up to buy them something to drink, this lady – with her kid – cuts in front of me and just orders her stuff. Well I’m sorry to say I didn’t just cheerfully shrug it off, but instead went through this whole little silent pantomime of, “Hey - what the heck - don’t you have any manners - is this how you teach your kid basic courtesy - and you, Miss Service Person, why don’t you ask who came first - what is wrong with these people”.

It was in fact just a couple of days ago that the exact same thing happened to me at another place. The very fact that these people arrived after me, and positioned themselves right next to me, seems to suggest that they could, in fact, see me, and even make the mental connection that I was there first.

I suppose getting cut while waiting in line is like this little version of being taken advantage of. We feel we are being treated discourteously, indifferently, without respect. And it’s amazing how strongly and quickly we react to the rudeness, the stupidity, indeed, the sheer injustice, of it all. I feel as outraged as one who has never been rude or stupid to anyone, about anything, in my entire life.

Of course, it takes a certain kind of person to cut a line and bulldoze one’s way through, and then stand there in apparently thick-skinned, uncaring oblivion while the person they cut looks on in disbelief.

Well, that’s them. Who knows what’s going on in their little worlds, why they are the way they are, why they behave the way they do. But as for me – I should have known better.

I’m not proud of the fact that I felt irritated. Even though it was all in my head, someone knew, and of course that someone was the All-Seeing Eye – God.

I prayed about it of course, and God brought this beautiful Scripture to mind:

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:1-8).

True, it’s important that my kids see me having decent manners in public, nicely waiting in line, holding the door open, saying “please” and “thank you”, all that sort of thing. But I think it’s just as important, if not more so, that they see me habitually walking in love – giving way, letting go, being patient and forgiving, and always at peace.

sailor Hep Cat

Hep Cat wears his 1920s sailor suit. He's a dapper fellow he is!

loving today

1. Cup beach print by Teconlene
2. My Garden dress or tunic by Isabel Amyo
3. Salamander with umbrella by Alla Kinda
4. Appetizer plate/Raindrop shape plate by CeramicaBotanica
5. Cherry tree with blossoms necklace by LicketyCut
6. Single small black and red dish by Cynthia Vardhan

on being a Christian, or words that end in "-ian"

I was talking to this chap the other day, and toward the end of the conversation I said, “Well, you’re a Christian and…”. I didn’t get to finish my sentence because he quickly interrupted me with, “No, I’m Catholic, not Christian”.

I had to leave and didn’t have much time for any theological debates, so I sort of clicked my tongue in exasperation and went, “Yes I know, but you are a Christian right?? I mean, you follow Jesus Christ right??”

It’s not that I was really annoyed or anything, but I just don’t understand this. I mean, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this sort of thing. Sometimes it’s the Catholics who say they’re not Christian, and sometimes it’s the non-Catholic Christians who say that Catholics aren’t really Christians.

I just don’t understand why there are these distinctions being made. Broadly speaking, I regard all people who believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the son of God, and who follow His teachings, as Christians. Like – Jesus Christ right? Christian right? (like... um... Victorian... Utopian... Martian...?).

I found the following dictionary definitions of what a “Christian” is, all of which I agree with:

As an adjective:
1. Professing belief in Jesus as Christ or following the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.
2. Relating to or derived from Jesus or Jesus's teachings.
3. Manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus; Christlike.
4. Relating to or characteristic of Christianity or its adherents.
5. Showing a loving concern for others; humane.

As a noun:
1. One who professes belief in Jesus as Christ or follows the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.
2. One who lives according to the teachings of Jesus.

Now I’m certainly not going to get all deep and academic and analyse the history of the church and the Nicene creed and the pope’s “infallibility” and all that sort of thing – I’m just wondering, why is there this division among lay Christians? Ok yes, I know – where there are people, division just seems to happen.

But it bothers me a bit to have a Catholic person imply that I’m not quite a Christian because I’m a Methodist, or to hear a Protestant person pooh-pooh a Catholic’s faith as not being “real Christianity”. I’ve been in little inter-denominational meetings where the subtle air of condescension, and the little judgmental, patronising jabs were just not funny.

I was actually in the middle of asking that chap to pray for me when he corrected me about his faith, which seemed to imply that somehow he wouldn’t be praying to whom I thought he would, or praying the kind of prayers I expected, and he’d better let me know. Which to me was just ridiculous, because there on his wall was a cross, a symbol of our common faith.

Isn’t the main thing what the dictionary says? “One who professes belief in Jesus as Christ or follows the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus”. I know this definition is just from some basic English dictionary, and not some profound ancient Greek text, but hey – if we truly can live out that definition, isn’t that worth celebrating? Most of us can only profess the belief, yet struggle to truly follow it. Honestly, pedantics and other man-made rules and definitions – many whose origins are lost in the vague sands of time – just don’t help.

To me it’s simple – the life and teachings of Jesus are laid out in the New Testament for anyone to read. Surely we Christians should be united, strengthening and praying for one another, instinctively loving and caring about each other and rejoicing in our common faith. Jesus said, “… if two of you on earth agree (harmonise together, make a symphony together) about whatever [anything and everything] they may ask, it will come to pass and be done for them by My Father in heaven. For wherever two or three are gathered (drawn together as My followers) in (into) My name, there I AM in the midst of them” (Matt 18:19-20).

Any kingdom that is divided against itself is being brought to desolation and laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will last or continue to stand (Matt 12:25). Thankfully, the Church – and I mean the entire body of all Christians of every denomination – has shown great resilience and lasting power, but let’s not be divided as individuals.

“Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working]” (James 5:15-17).

As a Christian, I don't think it's about names, or flavours or brands. What I think it all boils down to is this: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matt 22:35-40).

The rosary in the picture above was given to me as a very young child; I keep it reverently till this day.

on Pavlov, old habits, and new responses

There was this space of time between when I got out from the bath and when I said my nightly prayers, during which I noticed I’d start off on a certain particularly negative train of thought. This had been happening for about a week already and honestly, I was just fed up with it.

I do know what triggered it the first time, and knowing that, you’d think I’d subsequently give myself a kick in the **** and just stop it, but no – as my particular brand of spiritual challenges would have it – I’d fixate on the thing and go on my little train ride every night after my bath, till I’d spoken to God about it during my prayers.

Well last night I cried out to God in sheer frustration, because I realised that this negativity was becoming a dangerously bad habit – I mean, it would even manifest itself in physical sensations, which didn’t bother me at all at other times of the day. On previous occasions when I’d spoken to God about it, He had pointed out that it was the end of the day, and I was weary, and that it is a favourite time for spiritual vulnerability and attack.

But last night two words popped into my head: Pavlovian conditioning. Now, I hadn’t heard those words since first year university (which you can bet was a long time ago) and even then I wasn’t paying much attention in class. But having them come to me now, I decided I’d better go look it up today.

From the lovely Brittanica.com, I’m told Pavlovian conditioning is “a type of conditioned learning which occurs because of the subject’s instinctive responses, as opposed to operant conditioning, which is contingent on the willful actions of the subject. It was developed by the Russian physiologist Ivan Petrovich Pavlov”.

I vaguely recall from class that Pavlov did some experiments on dogs, and observed that not only did the dogs begin salivating in the presence of meat, but they gradually began salivating in the presence of their feeder. He concluded that if a stimulus – say a bell – was used when the dogs were being fed, then eventually the dogs would associate that bell with food, and salivate whenever it was rung, even if there was no food present. Which essentially was what happened.

In looking up Brittanica, I chanced upon the phrase “Pavlov’s dog” – it is used to describe someone who instinctively reacts to a situation, rather than use critical thinking. And so now that it’s daytime, and I am critically thinking – do I behave like Pavlov’s dog?

I think the answer is probably yes – at first I started on that negative train of thought about something specific, but then – even though God had already reassured me on the subject – I began doing it habitually as I was getting into my pyjamas (looking back, I think pyjama-dressing is one of those mindless times where if you're not thinking right thoughts...). It reached the point where just being in my pyjamas, at night, somehow made me instinctively get into that negative mode.

Of course, even starting on that train at all is bad, but to keep doing it? Even after God had reassured me? When faced with a challenge, why is it so instinctive to get anxious, depressed, negative?

I’d clearly gotten stuck in the wrong response. Like the dog who salivated just hearing the bell, I was doing my negative thing out of sheer habit! And for what? There was no food for the dog, and there was nothing good or productive in it for me either.

Like the bell, the pyjama-dressing – or the allergy flaring up, or the husband forgetting to call, or the friend who says hurtful things, or whatever else it is that sets you off – is just a wicked deceit and strategy; put on God’s whole armour and resist it (Eph 6:11)!

The dog should have just stopped himself and thought, “Wait a minute. What am I getting all messed up for? It’s just a stupid bell. There’s no food there; we’ve been over this a hundred times. I’m getting all worked up for nothing. I’m going to just relax because my nice owner takes good care of me and is going to give me real, proper food soon”.

Well, that last is wishful thinking as far as Pavlov’s poor dogs went, but for me, I know – I know I AM in God’s good hands and He takes very good care of me. Our habitual, instinctive response to challenges should simply be – relax, and trust God.

And so I ask God to help me keep my mind set on the right things – all that is pure, lovely, excellent, praiseworthy (Phil 4:8) – so that I’ll be conditioned to think, feel and live right, the way God intends.

In John 16:33, Jesus says, “…in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you]”.

And the apostle John writes, “Little children, you are of God [you belong to Him] and have [already] defeated and overcome them [the agents of the antichrist], because He Who lives in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).

It’s never to late to kick bad habits – even for old dogs :)

Hep Cat pin

A new Hep Cat pin in the shop now.

Hep Cat is sometimes quizzical, but always happy! (Clay really captures the term "handmade" I think :)

Owlet

Custom-order Owlet waiting to be stuffed. This one has lots of embroidery - very fiddly!

on litterbox living

Do you have a cat? Or a rabbit? Then you’ll know what I’m talking about with this litterbox revelation. When I was in university, I lived in this one rented room with my cat (dear, sweet Anisah; who would sleep at my head purring like a motorboat engine and fetched balls better than any dog I’ve ever known). She used a litterbox of course, but being the young/busy/irresponsible/lazy owner that I was then, I wasn’t particularly religious about changing it.

As any responsible cat owner would/should know, the litterbox should essentially be cleaned out as soon as the cat has used it, and then given a thorough clean about once or twice a week. Meaning, as soon as you know your cat has pooped or peed in the box, you should go scoop out the stuff, and then once or twice a week, throw out all the litter, scrub the box clean, and put in new litter.

Well I’m sorry to admit that I wasn’t exactly fastidious about doing this in those “younger days”. Of course I would clean out the whole box “now and then”, but the reality was more along the lines of scooping out the messy parts and occasionally putting more litter in on top. What would happen with that kind of routine was simply this – the litterbox never got truly cleaned. The icky bits were merely masked with nice-looking clean litter.

But inevitably, what gave it away was this – the sour odour of something bad. And no amount of baking soda or lemon spritz one tried to add on top was going to help. Almost worse was the fact that that odour gradually permeated the entire room, seeping even into my clothing, so that my Mom would comment on the “weird smell” my sweaters had when I went home for the holidays.

And perhaps worst of all was the fact that I often ceased to notice the malodorous buildup – until it became too much – because I’d allowed it to become so much a part of my everyday life.

While praying the other night about my own stinky thoughts and feelings, I had a sudden crystal-clear vision of that little undergraduate room, and dear sweet Anisah – and Anisah’s litterbox in the corner. I remembered how I’d try to get away with doing the minimum amount of work with regard to cleaning the box, and then be compelled to deal with the unpleasant effects of that lack of discipline afterward. The stupid thing was, adding clean litter to the dirty box, and coming up with ways to mask the odour, actually created more work, and was way more troublesome and disagreeable than just giving the box a regular, thorough once-over.

But isn’t that just how some of us are in our thoughts and behaviour sometimes. We lapse so easily into negative thinking and bad, undisciplined behaviour, and then we have to deal with, and cover up the yucky effects. We let ourselves become stinky with fear and worry, unkindness, vindictiveness and unforgiveness, all kinds of ungodly attitudes and behaviour, and then we have to deal with the rank consequences – anxiety, stress, broken relationship; lack of peace; weak, unvictorious lives.

The more we let it go on, the harder it is to eradicate, because we’re just adding layer upon layer of gunk. We become so used to the stink, sometimes we even cease to notice it. We just accept our negative, miserable, unfruitful lives because we’re too undisciplined to do anything about it, until one day it all becomes too much, too unbearable. The bits of poop do add up. We might even wonder why we’re so depressed, anxious, negative about everything and everyone. That’s when – maybe – we cry out for help.

But because we’ve been so lazy and apathetic, and not been in the habit of walking in the Spirit, this is going to take effort! I definitely have to regularly ask God for help with this. Occasionally going to church or saying a prayer in desperation just isn’t enough – we need to be thoroughly renewed and cleaned out. And we have to routinely walk in the Spirit – habitually thinking and doing right.

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]”.

Like the average litterbox, many of us have nasty bits (chunks? blobs?) hidden under a nice, pleasant exterior. And for so long as we aren’t renewed in the spirit, we’re going to find those nasty bits gradually growing and extending their influence further and further into the rest of our lives.

I've learnt that I shouldn't just occasionally dig around my intolerant, mean, unloving, fearful, negative clumps and then slip back into my old shoddy habits – I shouldn't accept or ignore even the tiny poopy bits or the slight stains - instead I ask God to help me cast it all out, and get spick and span. As the psalmist says, “Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow… Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Ps 51:7, 10).

In his letter to the Ephesians, the apostle Paul writes, “I… appeal to and beg you to walk (lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which you have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to God's service,

Living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness), with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because you love one another.

Be eager and strive earnestly to guard and keep the harmony and oneness of [and produced by] the Spirit in the binding power of peace.

… let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]. Enfolded in love, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head, [even] Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).

… you must no longer live as the heathen do in their perverseness [in the folly, vanity, and emptiness of their souls and the futility] of their minds.

Their moral understanding is darkened and their reasoning is beclouded. [They are] alienated (estranged, self-banished) from the life of God [with no share in it; this is] because of the ignorance (the want of knowledge and perception, the willful blindness) that is deep-seated in them, due to their hardness of heart [to the insensitiveness of their moral nature].

In their spiritual apathy they have become callous and past feeling and reckless and have abandoned themselves [a prey] to unbridled sensuality, eager and greedy to indulge in every form of impurity [that their depraved desires may suggest and demand].

… Assuming that you have really heard Him and been taught by Him, as [all] Truth is in Jesus [embodied and personified in Him],

Strip yourselves of your former nature [put off and discard your old unrenewed self] which characterized your previous manner of life and becomes corrupt through lusts and desires that spring from delusion;

And be constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind [having a fresh mental and spiritual attitude],

And put on the new nature (the regenerate self) created in God's image, [Godlike] in true righteousness and holiness.

Therefore, rejecting all falsity and being done now with it, let everyone express the truth with his neighbor, for we are all parts of one body and members one of another.

When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down.

Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him].

…Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favour) to those who hear it.

… Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind).

And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph 4, italics mine).

loving today

1. Lisa Larson tiger, Afrika series by DomestiKate

2. Victorian hand necklace by Cobracult
3. Vintage enamel tiger pendant by The Looksee
4. Vintage Czech glass bib deco fringe necklace by The Looksee
5. Jack and Jill necklace by Mad Tea Garden
6. Bone bracelet by Cobracult

on keeping on the right track

Today’s a public holiday and I’d thought to sleep in a bit. But I woke up prematurely at about 8am, and horrible to say, I immediately went downhill on that train of negative thinking. You will not believe (or maybe you can) the number and intensity of negative, fearful, miserable thoughts that crowded in upon me, one after the other. They were of the infamous “what if” variety, and suffice to say they were not the exciting “what if I found a million bucks, where would I holiday first?” type, or better yet, the uplifting, “what if Jesus appeared in my room right now?”

Instead, I sat squarely down in that train of dire, catastrophic thinking, and even buckled my seatbelt. For at least 10, 15 minutes – which felt immeasurably longer – I rode that train, indulged in it, really, and got myself on the express to Depressiontown (which is very close to Panictown).

And yet, it was surely the Holy Spirit in me that rose up saying, with increasing urgency, “Stop it, you’ve got to stop it, you’ve got to stop it right now”. And I saw, in my spirit, how surely I was heading into that terrible pit, where one seems to forget God and all sense of perspective. Gradually, with increasing power, these words came to me, and I repeated and repeated them, meditating on them with all my might: The Lord is my healer, He is faithful to deliver me. I will not worry or fear, because I AM in His good hands. I literally repeated those words again and again until they were the only thoughts in my head. And I fell back to sleep.

This is what happened next. I had a dream. The finer details are vague now, but the essential action was this: I was on holiday somewhere, and having a good time. I had my book of devotions with me, and I wanted to sit down and read it and pray. But every time I started to do so, someone or other would come along and distract me. On the last occasion, someone even took the book away from me. And the holiday became less and and less enjoyable each time this happened.

While I’m thankful to say that I did get another two hours’ sleep, that dream stayed on my mind for quite awhile. I think dreams are to some extent an expression of what’s going on in our sub- or unconscious, and I’m also aware that God does speak to people in dreams sometimes, like He did with Jacob or Joseph, for example. I just couldn’t help wondering if somehow the Holy Spirit was telling me that I was letting myself get distracted from God, that I needed to be more dedicated and steadfast in my worship and faith.

I was letting fear and other unholy thoughts and emotions take away from my devotion to Him. And how can we truly enjoy our lives if we let that happen, if we don’t keep close to Him? Remember how I’d felt God was telling me that the way to overcome my challenges was simply to “Spend time with Him”? Well I suppose lately I’ve been spending more time with my fears.

Fellow Christians, please pray for me. James 5:16 says “Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working]”.

Thankfully God is full of love, mercy and compassion. I’m sure He does not want us to live fearful, miserable, powerless lives, subject to the deceits and strategies of the enemy. In Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son, who “wasted his fortune in reckless and loose [from restraint] living”, we see how loving God is.

The prodigal son repents and returns home, “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was moved with pity and tenderness [for him]; and he ran and embraced him and kissed him [fervently] … the father said to his bond servants, Bring quickly the best robe (the festive robe of honour) and put it on him; and give him a ring for his hand and sandals for his feet… let us revel and feast and be happy and make merry, because this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!” (Luke 15:20-24, italics mine).

Indeed, every time I get off that wrong train and return to God, I am uplifted and encouraged. I am refreshed and strengthened. And then I am calm enough to see God’s miraculous power and goodness at work in my life. How wonderful to know that He says, “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him; I will set him on high, because he knows and understands My name [has a personal knowledge of My mercy, love, and kindness--trusts and relies on Me, knowing I will never forsake him, no, never].

He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation” (Ps 91:14-16).

loving today

1. Vintage Bancroft navy military army cap by Vintage By Alex Keller

2. You choose the color - organic t-shirt by Strand Redesign
3. Organic Linzer heart cookies by Ink And Paper Arts
4. Vintage leaf motif and pearl sweater clip by The Art Floozy
5. Vintage 1950s navy blue beaded cocktail hat by Fab Gabs
6. Red mushroom bell jar by Alina Hayes

on marilyn, and being truly fabulous

I finished reading The Secret Life Of Marilyn Monroe by J. Randy Taraborrelli a little while ago. I can’t say I’ve ever been much of a Marilyn Monroe fan, or that I knew much about her or her movies. But she certainly was very beautiful, in – to me – a sad, privately hurting sort of way, and I had been intrigued by an article on her that had appeared in Vanity Fair in November last year. It looked at a whole archive of Ms Monroe’s letters, poems and diaries that were being published in a book that same month.

Naturally, much of these private writings provide a lot of insight into the kind of person she was. But some of her words made me particularly sad for her; for example, “Scream – you began and ended in air”, and “Ah Peace I Need You – Even a Peaceful Monster”.

This beautiful woman, apparently so successful and adored, saying such things, feeling such anguish and despair… well, everyone has their personal challenges it seems. I feel so sorry that she never knew the peace and comfort of Christ in her lifetime.

Well, when I recently saw Mr Taraborrelli’s book on sale at the store, I decided to pick it up and give it a read. And I’m glad I did, for it certainly is a well-written, entertaining biography.

But it is also full of sadness in its revelations. I didn’t know Marilyn had had such a difficult childhood. I just think of my own children, and I feel so terrible for her, and for all children who to this day go through the same neglect and abuse. Such mistreatment can so easily set a child up for a lifetime of misery and wrong choices.

There were many things in the book which struck me, but one thing that especially did was what she said when she was pregnant during her marriage to Arthur Miller. This was shortly after she’d come upon Miller’s journal, which, it seems, he’d deliberately left open for her to see (cruelty in its finer form?). “On those pages, Arthur confessed that he had second thoughts about having married her. She wasn’t what he’d thought she was… She wasn’t as intelligent as he had hoped and, in fact, she was someone he pitied” (p.294).

Marilyn had apparently been very much in love with Miller, and discovering that journal had been devastating to her, and made her lose a great deal of confidence in herself. It was after this, during her pregnancy, that she said, ‘“My little girl is always going to be told how pretty she is”… She was sure it would be a girl. “When I was small, all of the dozens and dozens of people I lived with – none of them ever used the word ‘pretty’ to me. I want my little girl to smile all the time. All little girls should be told how pretty they are and I’m going to tell mine, over and over again”’. (p.300).

How very, very sad. I do, in fact, know something of what she meant, which is why I always make sure to tell my daughters not only how beautiful they are, but how smart, and wonderful, and capable, and powerful they are too. And more than that, they have GOD, who loves them and is always with them – making them more than conquerors in Him (Romans 8:37).

So I was very happy to stumble upon this book B had been writing in, while I was tidying up. It’s Think Pink – The ultimate ‘go-for-it’ guide for girls! by Lisa Clark. On the back it says, “… prepare to become the star shine girl you’re destined to be and live your life permanently in the pink… dream hugely, be inspired and wear whatever you want without fear of ridicule because, let’s face it, life’s not a dress rehearsal!”

I flipped through it (no, not snoopingly! I just thought the illustrations were cute), and I saw:

What would you like people to know about you? I am a very happy girl

How would you describe yourself? A fabulous girl
What are your kick-ass qualities? Silly, funny, determined, happy

How would you sum yourself up in one sentence? Fabulous

I would love for my daughters to keep summing themselves up this way for the rest of their lives. For indeed they are fabulous and wonderful and all things great in Christ. And so are you. God loves us, and at the risk of sounding cliched, God does not make junk. Don't let a miserable childhood, or rejection, or cruel words, or challenging situations bring you down - we are more than conquerors in Him who loves us!

Remember Hebrews 13:5-6, "... be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]

So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]".

(And her dream wish list? I wish I could fly. I wish I could drink chocolate milk for an hour. I wish I could have mushroom soup for all my meals).