For a moment I just stared at him. Then I replied, "I'm also a graduate. And I'm a fulltime Mom. Do you think that's a waste too?"
He looked at me in disbelief, and then he laughed outright. "Good grief!" he said. "What did you spend all that time studying for then?"
He then asked me incredulously if I'd ever "worked" at all (of course I had; perhaps he thought I was foolish and lazy). And again he shook his head, appalled that I'd given up my highfalutin corporate career for something as mindless as motherhood.
We weren't in the best of environments for any in-depth discussion, but I was seething. It wasn't the first time I'd heard this sort of thing, and I know he isn't alone in his beliefs. I still remember how, long ago, when my Mom told my aunt that I'd quit my corporate job to be with my kids, my aunt had said, "Isn't that a pity. Whole university education wasted".
Well, I don't know where to begin on this; I'm not the most eloquent of persons, and when it comes to something this sensitive, I'm apt to feel overwhelmed. But what I do strongly believe is this -- motherhood, or parenthood, is one of the hardest, most challenging jobs there is, and one can never be educated enough to be the best parent one can be.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying one needs a good education to be a good Mom. What I am saying is that a good education is never wasted on a woman who has chosen fulltime motherhood as her career.
People who say that education is wasted on fulltime Moms seem to have the idea that Moms don't necessarily need to be educated. That Moms don't need to have their brains and intelligence honed and applied the way a doctor or lawyer might. That motherhood is some sort of easy, mindless activity.
These are often the same people who think that climbing the corporate ladder and making heaps of money is the be-all and end-all of a successful life. That, to them, is the real point of getting an education. They don't value education for its own sake -- the cultivation and broadening of one's mind, the reaching of higher levels of understanding and insight, and hopefully the bettering of one's self.
And they're often also the ones who let other people parent their children.
I believe every parent has a moral obligation to actually parent -- to positively raise and mould the next generation.
Does spending quality time with one's child – playing with them; listening to them; disciplining, encouraging, nurturing; drying their tears; making their childhood as happy and fulfilling as possible; teaching them not only their letters and numbers, but their values and beliefs as well – does all this seem less important than what some banker or high-end executive does?
And does doing it 24/7 -- as opposed to 9am to 6pm, 5 days a week (not forgetting lunch and tea break, and every other occasion that allows for skiving or zoning out) -- seem less challenging?
I think every child deserves to be in the care of a parent who not only loves them and is there for them, but also isn't dumb. Raising a child to be an upright, caring, confident adult -- a positive addition to society and the world -- is not a job for dimwits.
I pray daily for God's help to be a good Mom, because goodness knows I've seen more than enough of what happens to kids who grow up without one. Am I sorry to have given up my highfalutin job, with all the perks and prestige? No, no, never. While certainly the most exhausting job I've ever had, it is by far the most rewarding.
The Bible says, "Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Prov 22:6).
And again, as author and psychologist Dr James Dobson wrote: "What a price we pay for the speed at which we run. Most of us remember these last 12 months as a blur of activities. There is so much work to do, so many demands on our time. There is so much pressure. Meanwhile, what should have mattered most was often put on hold or short-changed or ignored altogether.
"Millions of children received very little love and guidance this year from their busy parents. Husbands and wives pass like ships in the night, and our spiritual natures languished amidst over-crowded schedules and endless commitments".
Custom order Hep Cat pin set, with a shining Swarovski crystal star. So sweet on one's Sunday best :)
I sat down to lunch this afternoon, and, as usual, said grace before starting. And, as frequently happens, at home especially, grace became more of an all-out mini-prayer, as I rapidly went over my thoughts and behaviour so far this day.
I was praying earnestly, in fact aloud; when I was done and looked up, I saw two men getting into their pickup truck which was parked outside my house. They were looking at me through my house window as they got in, doubtless having observed me the entire time. They would have known I was praying, because my head had been bowed and resting against my two clasped hands.
And for like, 3 seconds, I felt sort of.. abashed.. it was like I was sort of embarrassed to have been seen praying earnestly like that, as though somehow my vulnerability in my regular everyday life had been witnessed by outsiders.
And then almost immediately I rebuked myself for my foolishness. "The Lord is my Rock, my Fortress, and my Deliverer; my God, my keen and firm Strength in Whom I will trust and take refuge, my Shield, and the Horn of my salvation, my High Tower" (Ps 18:2)"; I'm so thankful for the gift of faith, I'm so thankful for His presence in my life, I need His help and guidance continually -- why should I care, even for a moment, what people think?
It got me thinking on how I used to be about saying grace when I was younger. At home I was made to say grace aloud for everyone, which was such a trial for shy, introverted me. I'd shoot off the set, never-changing words as quickly as I could. Outside in public, I'd sort of stare blankly at my food and mutter those same unchanging words in a rapid mental whisper. Sometimes I'd forget to say grace completely.
I don't think I put much thought into what I was saying beyond just making my head form the words; certainly sincere thankfulness was sorely lacking. That was when I wasn't really caring about my walk with God. And so I wasn't continually, acutely aware of his goodness and grace in my life.
But now I definitely am. I couldn't get started on eating anything without thanking Him for it -- our meals are such a tangible representation of God's daily providence and beneficence; they are such a concrete reminder of how blessed we are.
Now I say grace -- at home or out -- with my whole heart and soul; I close my eyes and take as long as necessary to thank God and talk to Him about anything I should pay attention to in my thoughts and behaviour so far. Of course I don't take forever, but I certainly don't just rattle off some set "grace formula".
I make the kids take grace seriously too, and I don't care how hungry they are, or how many people are around us -- they've got to bow their heads and thank God first. I never want them to ever take their blessings, or the fact that their basic needs are so well met, or even the fact that their Daddy has a good job, for granted. How very very blessed we are to have food and drink so readily and easily available, and that we live in such freedom and peace that we can openly thank God for it!
"But you, beloved, build yourselves up [founded] on your most holy faith [make progress, rise like an edifice higher and higher], praying in the Holy Spirit;
Guard and keep yourselves in the love of God; expect and patiently wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah) -- [which will bring you] unto life eternal" (Jude 1:20-21).
During my prayers this morning I was telling God how wonderful it is to know Him, I mean to really know Him, like deep in my spirit. I was marvelling at how I knew Him before -- I was baptised as a baby and went to church and Christian schools -- but it was more like I knew of Him; it was only a head sort of knowledge, I did not have a real revelation of Him in my heart, and I lived a decidedly un-Godly life.
Which was what then led me to tell God how frustrated I am by my thoughts and behaviour. I mean, I know him now, in my spirit, yet I still act badly -- my thoughts and behaviour just don't match up with the fact that the Holy Spirit lives in me. I'm anxious, impatient, intolerant, etc etc -- I certainly do not behave as if I had the mind of Christ.
And right as I was lamenting this, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me that I was like Paul, who said, "For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice or accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe which my moral instinct condemns]". Well right away I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote that down, so that I'd be sure to remember to look it up when I'd finished praying.
Which is what I did. I found that verse in Romans 7, which so powerfully captures my own feelings:
"For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot perform it. [I have the intention and urge to do what is right, but no power to carry it out.]
For I fail to practice the good deeds I desire to do, but the evil deeds that I do not desire to do are what I am [ever] doing...
O unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death?" (Rom 7:15-24).
Naturally, I read to the end of the chapter with bated breath, and I was not disappointed:
"O unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death?
O thank God! [He will!] through Jesus Christ (the Anointed One) our Lord!" (Rom 7:24-25).
And so I keep pressing on, "not having any [self-achieved] righteousness that can be called my own... but possessing that [genuine righteousness] which comes through faith in Christ (the Anointed One), the [truly] right standing with God, which comes from God by [saving] faith.
[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly]...
That if possible I may attain to the [spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].
Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own.
I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.
So let those [of us] who are spiritually mature and full-grown have this mind and hold these convictions; and if in any respect you have a different attitude of mind, God will make that clear to you also.
Only let us hold true to what we have already attained and walk and order our lives by that (Phil 3:9-16, italics mine).
The chapter tells of Bethesda, and a miracle Jesus performed there. Bethesda was a pool with five porches at which sick people would wait for a miraculous healing:
“For an angel of the Lord went down at appointed seasons into the pool and moved and stirred up the water; whoever then first, after the stirring up of the water, stepped in was cured of whatever disease with which he was afflicted.
There was a certain man there who had suffered with a deep-seated and lingering disorder for thirty-eight years.
When Jesus noticed him lying there [helpless], knowing that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, Do you want to become well? [Are you really in earnest about getting well?]
The invalid answered, Sir, I have nobody when the water is moving to put me into the pool; but while I am trying to come [into it] myself, somebody else steps down ahead of me.
Jesus said to him, Get up! Pick up your bed (sleeping pad) and walk!
Instantly the man became well and recovered his strength and picked up his bed and walked…” (John 5:4-9).
As I read that, I wondered if many of us go through life like that, just “lying there [helpless]”, having already “been a long time in that condition”. We mope about, wallowing in dejection and self-pity, perhaps even expecting somebody else to pick us up, to “put us into the pool”, perhaps thinking defeatist thoughts about how other people always get ahead of us.
We say we’re believing God for miraculous breakthroughs, and yet do nothing but keep a negative confession and a pathetic, negative attitude.
I thank God I’m no longer in that deep rut of depression, just “lying there [helpless]” and complaining, but I know I’m not where I need to be yet. Having occasional bouts of “helplessness” and negativity is very frustrating in its own way. In my spirit I know it is no way for a victorious Christian to act, and yet… “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak”.
I think there’s a definite lesson for me in these verses. When the man had told Jesus what his problem was – and it actually did sound pretty bad to me – Jesus didn’t go, “Aw, poor you… yeah, you’ve got every reason to just lie there sad and depressed”.
Instead, He said, “Get up!” (note exclamation mark!)
“Get up!” Whenever I’m tempted now to wallow in useless self-pity and negativity, whenever I take a perverse pleasure in being dismal and pessimistic, I remind myself of Jesus’ rousing, energising command.
“Little children, you are of God [you belong to Him] and have [already] defeated and overcome them [the agents of the antichrist], because He Who lives in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).
It’s interesting that Jesus asked the man, “Do you want to become well? [Are you really in earnest about getting well?]” It’s like He was asking, “Do you really want to overcome this? Or are you actually content to just stay stuck in your familiar, comfortable, miserable rut? Are you prepared to make a real effort and rise up in faith in order to see God’s power at work?”
It is an effort to pick ourselves up, to take those steps of faith, one after another after another… keeping a good attitude, and staying positive and peaceful all the while. Trust me, I know.
Jesus told the man to “Get up!” and the man did – he took that literal step of faith. He believed Jesus had the power to heal him, that Jesus was willing to, and had, in fact, already done so.
I believe God expects us to do our part, to do what we can. Then when we get up and walk in faith, He takes care of the rest. I know, through conviction and experience, that when I make that effort, suddenly I find that I’m on my feet, and that I’m well.
