on seats, belts, power and peace

Yeah, she fits -- but this was 2 and a half years ago.

So, today on the way to church, we got pulled over by the traffic police. They had actually set up a full road block. It was 8:45 in the morning -- someone had obviously decided that this would be a good time to get all those crazy drivers.

So this young fellow waves us over. We had not been speeding -- who does, on Sunday morning?? -- and we were all belted up, so for a couple of seconds, we just sat there wondering what we did wrong, and experiencing, for the first time, being at the receiving end of curious, schadenfreude-laced stares.

Well, the guy came over, got us out of the car, and told us what our offence was -- Becky was not in a booster seat. She was belted up, but she wasn't 8 years old -- the apparently defining age, we were discovering, when children in this country can stop using booster seats.

Never mind her height, never mind her turning 8 in just a few months, never mind that the seat belt was fitted fine across her collar bone and chest (not her neck and stomach!). The guy was determined to get us to the fullest extent of the law. A warning, even a stern one, would have been insufficient, and well, simply too nice. Instead, a hefty fine and demerit points, with the reiteration that she had to be 8, and that no, he wouldn't measure her height; it would be too impractical.

Now just give me a moment here to wonder -- what is it with these people (never mind that that 8-year-old law is inane; that's obviously beyond dispute)?

Invariably, you find these sort of individuals in positions of "power". Throughout our children's lives, we have conscientiously used the infant seats and the car seats and the seat belts, without fail, while people around us would be happily driving about with their babies on their laps in the front seat, or their kids bouncing about loose all over the back seat or dashboard.

And let's not even talk about the innumerable nutcases who recklessly speed, or the clowns who illegally park and dangerously obstruct.

Where are those Sunday morning road-blocking cops then? That young man captured all the smug arrogance of an unexceptional 20-some-year-old who's given an ounce of power. "If you want to test a man's character, give him power," said Abraham Lincoln. Power untempered by wisdom and mercy is dangerous at the worst -- at this petty level, it's just plain irritating.

And the worst part of it (besides the fact that it made me late)? It affected my peace for at least 10 minutes into church. There I was, singing "My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art thou; if ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now", and my mind was going over and over the details of what had just happened.

During the corporate prayer, I repeatedly found myself shaking my head (figuratively) in disbelief at the guy's swagger and hubris, and going over the ill-considered booster seat ruling (based, according to their website, on the belief that the children in this country who are below 8 are "not tall enough to use a seat belt safely").

I'm telling you the truth -- I could literally feel the spiritual struggle going on in me. I literally had to stop and breathe and ask for God's help to calm down and rein in my thoughts. I do not make myself get up at 8 in the morning for worship, just to have it spoilt by some... person... or some stupid situation. God did not give me "a spirit of power and of love and of calm and a well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control" just to have some cocky kid or senseless ruling make mincemeat of it.

That's what that divine spirit of power is for isn't it? To enable us to rise above challenges and circumstances tranquil and untroubled, with a God-given peace that passes understanding.

"Do not resist the evil man [who injures you]; but if anyone strikes you on the right jaw or cheek, turn to him the other one too.

And if anyone wants to sue you and take your undershirt (tunic), let him have your coat also...

You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy;

But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

To show that you are the children of your Father Who is in heaven... For if you love those who love you, what reward can you have? Do not even the tax collectors do that?

And if you greet only your brethren, what more than others are you doing? Do not even the Gentiles (the heathen) do that?

You, therefore, must be perfect [growing into complete maturity of godliness in mind and character, having reached the proper height of virtue and integrity], as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matt 5:39-48).

Psalm 37:8 says, "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret — it leads only to evil". I thank God that He did help me regain my peace soon enough, so that I became a joyful, rapt listener of the Word (more on that soon!).

And, well, looks like Beck will be using Ro's carseat for the next few months.

on working as a Mom

In A Park, by Berthe Morisot - the artist's sister and her children

So my aunt came by yesterday. It was during this space of time when Ro was having her nap, and I was having a breather and getting some of my own things done. My aunt looked around, observed my seeming aimlessness, and said, "Don't you want to go back to work? Don't you feel like your life is just wasting away here?"

OK. You may already have some idea about how I feel about parenting, or being a full-time Mom. I am honestly tired of hearing this kind of… thing. Making money or working for "the Man" is not the be-all and end-all of a fulfilled, successful life. Getting on the train first thing in the morning and being far removed from my kids till nightfall does not capture the term "motherhood" for me. I have no regrets about giving up my high-paying, highfalutin job with the nicely carpeted corner office space, and the 2-hour lunch breaks.

Once upon a time, being a mother meant that you actually stayed home with your kids and, well, mothered. Today, the role of mother or parent is often passed on to grandparents, sundry relatives and minders, or childcare centres. Even in families that could reasonably live on one parent's income, this has become acceptable, and even expected.

Does having that corporate career define a fulfilled, un-wasted life? Do I have to put on my power suit and high heels, and walk purposefully about, clutching my folders with that grim expression of one dealing with the life-and-death issues of that quarter's advertising budget or the CEO's annual report message? Well surprise - fulltime motherhood is real work too.

Sure, I'd love to have steady part-time work in a proper organisation somewhere – ideally a welfare organisation – but I've yet to find one that offers part-time hours and doesn't say I'm "over-qualified" (how could one be over-qualified to help the needy?). They're convinced I'm expecting high pay, that I'd get bored by the "mundane" work, and won't be committed enough to stay long. But when you consider what they do end up with…

So now, this is an aside, and a bit of a vent – but take the XX – sorry, can't name names – but a well-known Christian organisation that purports to help the "poor, homeless, hungry and destitute". They are perpetually looking for people to work in their various children's and nursing homes. Well of course they are – as a volunteer, one does get an insider's view into what's going on! – there's high turnover: the staff are largely young foreigners who are building their careers and will go where the money's at. Well, that's fine and natural I guess.

But then there are those who are just stuck working there for now, not because they altruistically want to help the "poor, homeless, hungry and destitute". These are the ones who simply dump bowls of food in front of ill, elderly people who can barely clean themselves, or shove hot food in their mouths because they just want to hurry on to their next task. That may perhaps be "natural", but it's certainly not fine.

Which leads me to think – good job HR people! You'd rather continue giving such individuals their full-time jobs with their low pay, than allow for some part-time hiring of committed people who really care. I've applied more than once and each time I was told I'm "over-qualified" or that they want someone full-time.

Well, this is a society that doesn't offer opportunities for, or encourage a real, effective balancing of parenting and career – where kids see their classmates and teacher or minder far more than their own parents – why do we even wonder at the moral laxity of today's youth, their psychological and emotional challenges, or their vulnerability to abuse and violence.

So anyway, like I've said, I have no regrets about giving up my career. I did not have my kids just to become – as my mother-in-law likes to say of certain women – a "turtle" who lays a bunch of eggs, and then leaves.

I don't mind spending days upon days, and years upon years, enmeshed in child-centred activities, conversations and entertainments – not just because I believe (and know from personal experience) how important and valuable a strong parent-child bond is – but also because it means not missing those moments in time that can make such a dramatic impact on a child's life.

I mean those moments where my actual, physical presence could make a real, vital difference – where my care and guidance could keep my kids from doing or experiencing something that could cause them a lifetime of pain, heartache or regret. An acquaintance's son, for instance, left almost entirely in the care of the telly and Nintendo, in front of which he'd spend hours with no one saying him nay, now has to wear glasses. He is only seven.

Someone else's young son, left in the care of a maid who was quite content to let him ride his bicycle alone on the road, without protection, was hit by a car and is now scarred for life. The tragedy of instances like these is that they might have, could have been avoided. Of course, we can’t control a lot of things in life, but I'd hate to be one of those parents who looks back over their kids' lives and says "I wish I'd…" or "If only I'd…".

A friend recently sent me this article. Perhaps I should send it to my aunt.

on transcendent mornings and moments

You may already know that I read of book of devotions as part of my morning prayers every day. I find it such a wonderful way to get the day started on the right foot -- with God -- especially if it's one of those mornings after a troubled sleep, or where your mind fills up with worries and anxieties even before you get out of bed!

More and more I know how important it is that I seek God, spend time with Him, every day, and continually throughout the day. To be actively, habitually conscious of God's presence in my life, His providence and His blessings, makes it that much easier to trust to His goodness and faithfulness during challenging times. It is so, so true what it says in Isaiah, I know it from my own experience: "You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You" (Isa 26:3). And indeed -- without fail -- God is faithful to deliver me.

I was speaking with a friend the other day, and she admitted that she only prayed and sought God when she was desperate, or in trouble. I realised as I listened to her that if we do that -- without the foundation of daily experience and fellowshipping with God -- those prayers are somehow more despairing than confident, and are plagued by doubts and fears. It makes it hard for us to have peace during the trial, and feel secure in the knowledge that God hears us, loves us, and cares about us.

"Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart", says Jeremiah 29:12-14. I know how easy it is to overlook all the good things God does do for us, and focus on all the things we think He should do, but doesn't. Thanking God every morning, and asking Him to guide my thoughts and actions, greatly helps me with my attitude and perspective.

As Proverbs 3:5-7 says, "In all your ways know, recognise, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths".

So -- my book of morning devotions. I read New Day, New You by Joyce Meyer, and I wanted to share this very recent devotion with you. It's entitled Spiritual Nourishment, and is based on Luke 12:22-23: "I tell you, do not be anxious and troubled [with cares] about your life, as to what you will [have to] eat; or about your body, as to what you will [have to] wear. For life is more than food, and the body [more] than clothes".

The devotion reads: "If you have a rich spiritual life, you'll already be satisfied with the moment, the day, the year. We all have these moments at time. You wander through a summer field of fireflies and suddenly feel still and awed at the beauty of it all. You hold your new son or grandson on your lap and you feel a great spiritual bond of love all around you. You're sitting in a pew Sunday morning and the light comes through the stained glass and fills your heart with joy. The moment is complete in itself. You don't think, My heart is full of joy, and boy, do I wish I had a slice of chocolate cake in my hand!

"... In fact, we should all feel those transcendent moments more often than we do. I believe they are essential to physical, emotional and spiritual health. And I think we spend too little time trying to achieve them and too much time meditating on our problems... if we stew in our problems all the time, they are only going to be with us that much more.

"Get your mind off the problems, and spend more time meditating on the one, true solution -- God's love. Our problems in life... should drive us to God, not away from Him... Run to God! He won't just help you find the solutions to your spiritual hunger; He is the solution!" (New Day, New You by Joyce Meyer, p 317).

twilight. seashore. frost.

1. Organic cotton cocoon cardigan by Riordan Roache
2. Floating abstraction on indigo paper by Missouri Bend Studio
3. Sapphire ring with diamonds by Tesia Alexandra
4. Birdcage veil by Talulah Blue
5. Brown & teal bow collar by Jolie Jye
6. Mussel shell wreath by Willow On The Water

Miro :)

Remember Miro? And remember what I was saying about toy-adoption-heartache? Well, I was so happy to receive these photos of Miro in his new home -- all the way over in Los Angeles (thank you M)!

He looks happy don't you think? And I mean, there's Woody, and that Happy Feet penguin guy...

O, and by the way, that's a pretty nice office eh?

on Daniel, and great Bible stories

So I've been re-reading the book of Daniel, and just finished Chapter 6, which tells the story of Daniel in the lions' den. I was so struck by the words in this chapter and wanted to share them, but first, it brought to my mind this book of Bible stories I had as a child.

Called The Greatest Bible Stories, it was published by Octopus Books in 1973, and edited by Diana Bremer. Even as a child I was fascinated by the wonderful artwork -- real, proper illustration, without the aid of fancy software -- and now as an adult I still marvel at it. Unfortunately the artist is not identified; the art was simply attributed to L'Esperto S.p.A. Just take a gander at these beauties:

Ignorance really was bliss.

Have you ever seen the Flood depicted like this? In a children's book? Bet those guys there wish they hadn't laughed at Noah.

Joseph being sold by his brothers into slavery. I love the way the artist would have one of the characters turn to look directly at the reader.

The night of the Passover, where every first-born creature of the Egyptians was slain.

The death of Absalom, King David's eldest son. His famously thick hair caught in the boughs of a tree and he was swept off his saddle, where he hung till Joab came to kill him.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the fiery furnace.

I actually love this story by the way. When King Nebuchadnezzar asked them, "Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image which I have set up?", they answered, "O Nebuchadnezzar, it is not necessary for us to answer you on this point.

If our God Whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.

But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image which you have set up!" (Dan 3:14-18)

So the three were cast into the burning fiery furnace, which got turned up seven times hotter because the king was so mad. But!

"... Nebuchadnezzar the king [saw and] was astounded, and he jumped up and said to his counselors, Did we not cast three men bound into the midst of the fire? They answered, True, O king.

He answered, Behold, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt! And the form of the fourth is like a son of the gods!

Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the mouth of the burning fiery furnace and said, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, you servants of the Most High God, come out and come here. Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego came out from the midst of the fire.

And the satraps, the deputies, the governors, and the king's counselors gathered around together and saw these men -- that the fire had no power upon their bodies, nor was the hair of their head singed; neither were their garments scorched or changed in color or condition, nor had even the smell of smoke clung to them.

Then Nebuchadnezzar said, Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, Who has sent His angel and delivered His servants who believed in, trusted in, and relied on Him! And they set aside the king's command and yielded their bodies rather than serve or worship any god except their own God.

Therefore I make a decree that any people, nation, and language that speaks anything amiss against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego shall be cut in pieces and their houses be made a dunghill, for there is no other God who can deliver in this way!" (Dan 3:24-29). Isn't that great??

And look!

It's Belshazzar and the writing on the wall. The inscription was MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN -- numbered, numbered, weighed, divisions.

And now, Daniel in the lion's den:

Isn't this great?? And now they've even got the lion looking at the reader!

So okay, as I think most people know, Daniel defied the king's decree that no one was to ask a petition of any god or man -- except of the king -- for 30 days. Anyone who did so would be cast into the den of lions.

"Now when Daniel knew that the writing was signed, he went into his house, and his windows being open in his chamber toward Jerusalem, he got down upon his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as he had done previously" (Dan 6:10) (Note: I think praying through one's day is a great way to stay close to God, to be strengthened and encouraged as the day wears on).

Well, Daniel was cast into the den of lions. The decree had actually been brought about by the connivance of a bunch of envious deputies and governors, and King Darius himself was in fact grieved about Daniel, and sought to deliver him. However, the law was that no decree of the king could be changed or repealed.

So the king said to Daniel, "May your God, Whom you are serving continually, deliver you!", and he "went to his palace and passed the night fasting".

And everyone knows of course that God did indeed deliver Daniel, and he was not hurt by the lions at all in any way (as a side note, the king commanded the men who had accused Daniel -- as well as their wives and children - eep! -- to be cast into the den; the lions "overpowered them and had broken their bones in pieces" before they even reached the bottom).

Which brings me to the decree that King Darius wrote. It was an order that everyone in his dominion must "tremble and fear before the God of Daniel". What struck me were the words of this decree, which were so uplifting, so powerful to me that I made them part of my own prayer; I pray that you will be empowered by them too!

He is the living God, enduring and steadfast forever, and His kingdom shall not be destroyed and His dominion shall be even to the end [of the world].

He is a Savior and Deliverer, and He works signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth -- He Who has delivered Daniel from the power of the lions.

loving today: Book 5

The fifth literary Loving Today inspired by this post.
* * *

"Where is it?" thought Raskolnikov. "Where is it I've read that someone condemned to death says or thinks, an hour before his death, that if he had to live on some high rock, on such a narrow ledge that he'd only room to stand, and the ocean, everlasting darkness, everlasting solitude, everlasting tempest around him, if he had to remain standing on a square yard of space all his life, a thousand years, eternity, it were better to live so than to die at once! Only to live, to live and live! Life, whatever it may be!... "

extract from Crime And Punishment, Pt 2, Ch 6, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

1. Lumber Jack's Axe necklace by MarKhed
2. Victoriana bamboo yarn cuffs by Inner Wild
3. Vintage silver faux fur hat from Ocean Swept
4. Silver cross cluster necklace by Decomp
5. Silver vanity tray with handle from The Vintage Parlor
6. Antique silver pocket watch from I Found Gallery
7. Handknit hand-spun wool socks by Milleta
8. Antique cigarette or card case from Les jardins d’eleanor

sea. pool. the deeps.

1. Searcher - archival print by Jeremy Miranda
2. Limpet shell earrings by Jaimejo
3. Agate necklace by Michabella
4. Quick-fix felt hair pins by Ordinary Mommy
5. Pottery bowls by Cheryl Wolff
6. Baby Blue 3 bracelet by Temi

Sailor Animals

Custom order Sailor Animal Boy and Girl. They look so sweet together; a postcard perhaps?

just because...

... we should dance -- and laugh hysterically -- every so often.

loving today

1. Margaret top in silver floral cotton by Sempster
2. Raw pyrite nugget silver necklace by Still With You
3. Rough diamond stud earrings by Spirit Joy Designs
4. The Cake Queen salvaged metal collar piece by The Rust Peddler
5. Bianca vintage 1930s beaded purse from Vint Condition
6. Lichen ring by Peiffer Studios

thank you :)

As many a toy maker will attest, one's heart breaks a little when the time comes to pack up a little friend and send him or her off to their new home. One fervently hopes that the little baby, over whom one has toiled with all the labour of love, will be welcomed and loved in turn by his or her new owner. So it's always wonderfully heartening when I receive photographs of one of my little dolls in their new homes, looking happy and comfortable in their new surroundings, with their new people.

I just received these from the beautiful lady who adopted Sailor Animal -- isn't it lovely how they have the same taste in clothes! Thank you F! And thank you A (who adopted Nine above)!

loving today: Book 4

The fourth literary Loving Today inspired by this post.
* * *

"No doubt you were in a hurry to give me a reputation for eccentricity: according to you, I am a Lara, a Manfred, a Lord Ruthwen. Then, once the time for seeing me as eccentric has gone, the image is spoiled and you try to turn me into an ordinary man. You want me to be commonplace and vulgar. You even ask me for explanations. Come, come, Monsieur Beauchamp! You are joking!"

"And yet," Beauchamp replied haughtily, "there are some occasions when honesty commands us…"

"What commands the Count of Monte Cristo," the strange man interrupted, "is the Count of Monte Cristo. So, not a word of all this, I beg you. I do what I wish, Monsieur Beauchamp, and believe me, it is always very well done".

extract from The Count Of Monte Cristo, Ch 88, by Alexandre Dumas

1. Enclosed - fine art photograph by Time Moving Slow
2. Storm Watcher open edition signed fine art by Robert Foster Art
3. Pirate ship in treasure chest automaton by Cartoon Monster
4. Regency wedding dress gown by Sew Many Treasures
5. Long ruffle patchwork skirt by La Belle Boheme Boutique
6. Prison Door - Chateau D'If by M Rose Photography
7. Pirates of the Caribbean pirate frock coat by Maritime Arts
8. Bronze dupioni silk spats by DAS

loving today: (500) Days of Summer

I caught (500) Days of Summer on the telly last night, the 2009 sleeper hit starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. They're both wonderfully adorable of course, and the film is brilliant -- cute and clever, and also heartbreaking and poignant -- so I decided to put together this little (500) Days-inspired Loving Today :)

1. 50s white eyelet blouse from Bottle Blonde Vintage
2. Vintage bohemian top from Dear Golden
3. Origami crane mobile curtain by Origami Christmas Tree
4. Bicycle basket weaving kit by Joanna's Collections
5. Vintage style sailor shorts from Edith & Bertha
6. Vintage inspired canvas messenger bag by Chrome Monkey
7. Fitted vintage inspired dress by Kay Em Kay
8. 80s "French Connection" wool jumper from Grace Mattie
9. Vintage tulle and lace dress from Vintage Blue Moon

on getaways and inevitables

How very blessed we are to have been able to have a little vacation over the last few days! It does confirm to me that everyone -- perhaps particularly those whose jobs keep them largely home or kid-bound -- does need a regular break, a real getaway, even if just for a day or two.

While I still did have to look after the kids -- playing maid and butler to their every need and whim lol -- it was truly refreshing for me to be in a different, fun environment, doing different, fun things.

During my mini-vacation, I happened to catch a Joyce Meyer broadcast entitled Moving beyond worry and anxiety. I mean, really, who wouldn't perk up at a title like that! Well, at one point in her message, Joyce spoke of the "inevitables" in life.

"There are some things in life that are just inevitable," she said, "some things that are just going to happen from time to time, and you might as well just say, 'well, it is what it is, and I'm just going to deal with it'".

Here are a few of them:

"You will do a lot of waiting in life... whatever it is that you're waiting for right now, when you get it, it won't be long and you'll be waiting for something else... and if you want to be happy, you will learn to wait well, with a smile on your face, trusting God's wisdom and integrity...

"Not everybody's going to like you. O well -- they missed a good opportunity to know somebody awesome. And God's the one who said you're awesome! So I just figure, if somebody don't like me, then that's between them and God. 10% of people won't like you... but let's think about the 90% that will.

"From time to time you will get disappointed. But the good news is, in God you can get re-appointed! If one thing don't work out, praise God, everyday's a new beginning -- you can let go of yesterday and start all over again... His mercy is new every morning!...

"Here's another piece of good news -- when you try to do what's right, you will get persecuted (Matt 5:10)... If you're going to have a strong walk with God, somebody that you care about is probably going to come against you... But we've got to care more about what God thinks, than what people think. And we have to care more about eternity, than right this minute...

"When you want to do something different from what other people are doing, sometimes the only thing they know to do, is judge you and criticise you. And then God asks you to forgive them and love them on top of it :)

"Yes, when we try to do what's right, we will at time be persecuted, but 'in due time, you will reap if you faint not' (Gal 6:9)...

"God does not always say 'yes' when you ask Him for something. But you can always be assured that if He does say 'no', then what you asked for was not going to be good for you.

"And my last 'inevitable' -- people are not perfect. They're all just a little bit weird, including me. God's will for us is peace".

Hope you've been having a super, peaceful week! And go on that trip you've been thinking about -- even if it is just a short walk away :)

loving today: Book 3

The third literary Loving Today inspired by this post.

* * *

"Oh, bless my little black soul, Mister Vandemar, do you see what I see?" The voice was soft, close: they must have been nearer to her than she had imagined. "I spy, with my little eye, something that's going to be --"

"Dead in a minute, Mister Croup," said the flat voice, from above her.

"Our principal will be delighted."

And the girl pulled whatever she could find deep inside her soul, from all the pain, and the hurt and the fear. She was spent, burnt out, and utterly exhausted. She had nowhere to go, no power left, no time. "If it's the last door I open," she prayed, silently, to the Temple, to the Arch. "Somewhere... anywhere... safe..." and then she thought, wildly, "Somebody".

And as she began to pass out, she tried to open a door.

As the darkness took her, she heard Mr Croup's voice, as if from a long way away. It said, "Bugger and blast".

extract from Neverwhere, Ch 1, by Neil Gaiman

1. Sanctuary - gothic angel print by This Years Girl
2. The Jackie - Victorian top hat by Topsy Turvy Design
3. London Tube station photo poster by Illuminated Luna
4. Warp Speed subway train photograph by Nancy F Photos
5. The Duelling Mr. Copperhat ring by Experimetal
6. Antique bunch of keys from Vintage Memory Chest
7. Wool blend cloak by FM908
8. Trafalgar At Night print by Emily And Harri

on wilkie collins, and a system of life

I've been re-reading The Legacy of Cain by Wilkie Collins, the author of the more famous classics The Woman in White and The Moonstone. I personally love Mr Collins; I love his dramatic, entertaining "sensation novel" style, his wit, his grandiloquence, his lavish, convoluted imagination.

The Legacy of Cain was published in 1888, and explores the concept of hereditary evil; it was the final novel completed by Collins. Re-reading it now, almost two decades after I had in university, I come across bits that make me pause and reflect, that make me nod, or smile to myself a little. This one I thought I'd share with you :)

* * *

A sigh escaped the poor lady. Experience told her that my father was going to hold forth.

"You don't know what a philosopher is!" he repeated. "Be so kind as to look at Me. I am a philosopher."

Mrs. Staveley bowed.

"And a philosopher, my charming friend, is a man who has discovered a system of life. Some systems assert themselves in volumes -- my system asserts itself in two words: Never think of anything until you have first asked yourself if there is an absolute necessity for doing it, at that particular moment.

"Thinking of things, when things needn't be thought of, is offering an opportunity to Worry; and Worry is the favorite agent of Death when the destroyer handles his work in a lingering way, and achieves premature results. Never look back, and never look forward, as long as you can possibly help it...

"The present time is the precious time. Live for the passing day: the passing day is all that we can be sure of. You suggested, just now, that I should ask my son if he was engaged to be married. How do we know what wear and tear of your nervous texture I succeeded in saving when I said: 'Wait till Philip mentions it without asking?' There is the personal application of my system" (Ch XLII, ital mine).

loving today: Book 2

The second literary Loving Today inspired by this post.

* * *

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.

She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.

extract from Lolita, Part 1, Ch 1, by Vladimir Nabokov

1. Ghost Walk print by Pipi Photography
2. Never Grow Up print by Shadow Boxerr
3. Mint retro car print by Magalerie
4. Pink cotton candy lollipops by The Groovy Baker
5. 50s pink gingham swimsuit from Petrune
6. Horn-rimmed glasses from Thrifty Threadz
7. Lolitas... print by Emma Kiss Tina
8. Vintage large Yale suitcase from 925 Kelly C

on the power of words, and beauty for ashes

Seated, by Lord Frederick Leighton

Some time ago a dear friend of mine wrote to me about her struggle with depression. She had had an abusive past, and even now, as an independent adult, still has to deal with her abuser. For much of her life, since she was a young child, this parent had been harsh, tyrannical and unmerciful; he physically abused her for years, but, as she observed, the emotional abuse was what hurt and damaged her much more; sadly, that still happens in the present.

She told me that he would say the most cruel things he could think of, things that would hurt and demean; his inflated ego required that everyone around him be cringing and subservient. She had to be constantly careful of what she said, even of how she looked; it was a life of walking on eggshells. She did not fulfil the great plans he had had for her life -- despite all her striving -- and he told her she was a disappointment and a failure.

Growing up in such an atmosphere, having such things spoken over her life, almost guaranteed that my friend would struggle with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and a terrible sense of worthlessness. How true it is that "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life]" (Prov 18:21).

Indeed, the book of James has some particularly powerful verses about the tongue:

"Even so the tongue is a little member, and it can boast of great things. See how much wood or how great a forest a tiny spark can set ablaze!

"And the tongue is a fire. [The tongue is a] world of wickedness set among our members, contaminating and depraving the whole body and setting on fire the wheel of birth (the cycle of man's nature), being itself ignited by hell (Gehenna).

For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea animal, can be tamed and has been tamed by human genius (nature).

But the human tongue can be tamed by no man. It is a restless (undisciplined, irreconcilable) evil, full of deadly poison.

With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who were made in God's likeness!

Out of the same mouth come forth blessing and cursing. These things, my brethren, ought not to be so" (James 3:5-10). Let us be careful, always be careful, what we say, and especially what we say to our children!

Thankfully, God is a God who heals and provides: my friend was born again not too long ago, and it dramatically helped her to overcome her misery and begin to find peace. Walking closely with God, learning His way of doing things, and turning to Him as her refuge and strength so that she no longer felt so rejected by her earthly father, helped tremendously.

She told me she still has "attacks", but she is so much better now than she used to be. Learning to ignore her father, to shrug off the slights and insults, and accepting the fact that if he wanted to stay unhappy, it was his problem and not hers, helped a lot.

Then recently, another friend told me a similar story. And yet another cried about how she had a hard time with anger and forgiveness. I realised that there are so many hurting people around, products of selfish, heartless, ignorant upbringings, with stories that would make any decent parent cringe and strive to avoid repeating in the next generation.

I suddenly felt drawn to look for and read Beauty for Ashes: Receiving emotional healing, a book by Joyce Meyer which had just been sitting unread on the kids' shelf buried under a pile of B's books. I opened the book at random (no, not like those people who randomly open their Bible hoping for a word from God, but because I didn't feel like reading right from the beginning), and read the following (as it turned out, the chapter was titled "Forgiving your abuser"). I thought I would share it, for the sake of anyone who knows the pain and despair of abuse.

"For many people, forgiving the one who abused them is the most difficult part of emotional healing. It can even be the stumbling block that prevents healing...

"First, let me say that it is not possible to have good emotional health while harbouring bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. Harbouring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die! Unforgiveness poisons anyone who holds it, causing him to become bitter. And it is impossible to be bitter and get better at the same time!

"If you are a victim of abuse, you have a choice to make. You can let each hurt or problem make you bitter or better. The decision is yours.

"... God does not bring hurts and wounds upon you, but once they are inflicted upon you, He is able to cause them to benefit you if you will trust Him to do so.

"God can make miracles out of mistakes!

"... One of the main truths the Lord spoke to me while I was dealing with the forgiveness issue was this: Hurting people hurt people!

"The majority of abusers were themselves abused in one way or another. Often those who were raised in dysfunctional homes create a dysfunctional atmosphere in their own homes.

"... Choose to do what you can do, and God will help you do what you cannot do. Do your best, trust God, and He will do the rest.

"... You sow good seed by obediently following His plan, which is:

- Receive God's forgiveness (and love yourself).
- Choose to forgive and release those who hurt you.
- Pray for your enemies.
- Bless those who have hurt you.
- Believe that God is healing your emotions.
- Wait.
(Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Meyer, p.135-147).

"[God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]

"So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?" (Heb 13:5-6).

loving today: saddle bags

I happened to see an ad for a gorgeous Dooney & Bourke saddle bag, which prompted me to have a look at their website. They have some mighty purty things there; the bags above range between 300 to 350 dollars.

Then I decided to go find out what exactly a saddle bag is; I mean in the "fashion-y" sense, 'cause these ones sure don't look like the type you'd hang off a horse or stick under your bicycle seat. I couldn't really find a definitive answer, and finally concluded that a saddle bag is one that tends to have a buckle closure, has at least some leather somewhere, and looks sort of "saddle-y" in general.

Naturally, I was pretty sure some talented craftsters would have tried their hand at saddle bags, and I wasn't wrong! As with most handmade things, you can be sure artisanal bags won't have that super-perfect-shiny-factory look, and that's part of their charm. Here are just a few functional beauties -- enjoy!

1. Classic canvas and leather satchel by Snootsie
2. Recycled coat messenger bag by Sew Much Style
3. Upcycled messenger bag by Peace 4 You
4. Leather messenger satchel by Luscious Leather NYC
5. Black leather messenger bag by San Filippo Leather
6. Small leather messenger by Stitch & Swash

loving today: Book 1

Remember that post I did on "what to read"? And remember how I wondered if I could do a Loving Today for each of those books? Well, I decided to try!

I'm choosing things that somehow remind me of each book; subjective associations, as it were, rather than literal translations. Hopefully I manage to capture at least a sense of the book, indefinite though it may be, and inspire you to go read it :)

* * *

Arabella, with her hands folded in front of her, looked at them all with a calm, indifferent expression upon her face. She did not trouble to answer any of their kind inquiries. She seemed neither surprized nor embarrassed to find them there.

"Where in the world have you been?" demanded Strange.

"Walking," she said. Her voice was just as it had always been.

"Walking! Arabella, are you quite mad? In three feet of snow? Where?"

"In the dark woods," she said, "among my soft-sleeping brothers and sisters. Across the high moors among the sweet-scented ghosts of my brothers and sisters long dead. Under the grey sky through the dreams and murmurs of my brothers and sisters yet to come".

extract from Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, by Susanna Clarke

1. Elegant Regency dress by Garland Of Grace
2. Nevermore - The Raven mobile by Salty And Sweet
3. Lone tree in winter photograph by Leaping Gazelle Studios
4. Girl in the Mist postcard by April Martin
5. Ghost no 6 print by Cate Anevski
6. Crow dictionary art print by Quaint And Curious
7. The Captain's Wife papercut by The Little Chickadee
8. Vintage magic poster from King Paper

never hurts to ask

Mass email from B to the family:

HI!!!!! Now I need Grandma, Daddy and Mommy to help me with this:

1) Do not touch my kidney beans
2) Give me old magazines, newspapers, catalogues etc.

Now I need Daddy, Mommy and Grandma to help me with this:

1) Give me tips for my project
2) Tell me what materials to use

Last but not least I need Gramps, Daddy and Mommy to help with this:

1) Instruct me to do things right and get things right
2) Tell me how to do things the correct way if I do something wrong

Thank You Everybody For Your Help

on trust, and being sanguine

Some years ago, I saw a distinguished skin specialist about a cut I had on my leg. This man is internationally renowned in his field, and accustomed to dealing with issues decisively and with authority; before I quite knew it, he was injecting the wounded area to prevent infection and help it heal well.

In the immediate however, the area swelled and turned an alarming, widening shade of dark purple -- this was right on the front of my thigh -- and appeared far worse than it did before I saw him. I didn't realise this till I got home and took off the plaster; when I saw how awful the area looked, well, I felt every word you can think of that's synonymous with panic. Agitation, fear, dismay, sheer terror -- you name it, I felt it. Never mind that the man is "internationally renowned in his field" -- my negativity immediately sent me into a spiral of fear and doubt.

I started thinking, "O gosh, that looks so bad! What if it stays like that forever? I'll have to wear long pants for the rest of my life! Why did I let him do that??" And I called the specialist up in a suppressed state of hysteria, and asked him why it was the way it was.

Essentially, I was saying, "Was that really necessary?? Are you sure you know what you're doing??"

And busy man though he is, he reassured me that he did indeed know what he was doing, and that, in time, the horrible purplish-black would fade and the wound would heal well.

I tremulously asked, "Are you sure it will heal?" And he replied, "Of course it will. Everything heals". And then he said something else which I've never forgotten. He said to me: "You need to learn to be more sanguine".

Now I don't know about you, but it's not everyday someone uses the word "sanguine" when they're talking to me. I don't think he was necessarily referring to the ancient theory of humours, but rather the basic modern definition: cheerfully confident; optimistic.

In the weeks that followed I thought a lot about what he'd said, what it meant, and I felt in my spirit that God was using the situation to show me something. If I wanted to stop spiralling downward every so often -- stop being on some sort of unpredictable, emotional roller-coaster -- and truly enjoy the peaceful life Jesus had given me as my inheritance, I had to stop being so anxious and negative.

Indeed, I had to learn to stop being so anxious and negative. For it had become a habit with me, and I needed to actively, consciously change my perspective and my thinking. As a child of God, I had to change my mindset, be "transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of [my] mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude]" (Rom 12:2) -- I had to learn to truly trust God and stop asking Him, "Are you sure you know what you're doing??"

So I prayed about it. A lot. And God faithfully saw me through. At first, the wound hurt, and looked terrible. The more I dwelt on it, the worse it seemed, the more magnified. Sometimes people would come along and say unhelpful things like, "Gosh, that sure looks bad". The whole thing just seemed to last forever. But, it did pass. God gave me the grace to press on, to change my thinking, to trust and hope in Him -- to stop focusing on it, and instead focus on all my blessings, and Him.

"... and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom)," it says in 2 Corinthians.

"And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit".

It is a lovely thing to be transformed by God "from one degree of glory to another", even though each degree might seem to feel very small and slow as we're going through it. The fact is, we will go through it, and come out on the other side. This evening, that exhortation to sanguinity came to my mind again when my husband gave an exaggerated groan as he straightened up from getting something on the bottom shelf of the fridge (he rarely makes any complaint about his ailments).

I laughed, and jokingly said, "Thanks for vocalising what I'm mentally thinking", referring partly to the way we would habitually voice what the other was thinking, and partly to the bit of backache I'd been dealing with.

I said, "You don't dwell on your backache do you? You don't let it get you down". And, as expected, he laughed and shook his head. "No, of course not," he replied, "I don't waste my time like that". And he added, "Remember Steve Jobs' speech?"

I knew what he was referring to. Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford commencement address. I could guess some of the things my husband was thinking of. One part of Jobs' speech that spoke to me was when he referred to a publication called The Whole Earth Catalog:

"...when [the publication] had run its course," Jobs said, "they put out a final issue... On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish".

And saying my prayers later, I thanked God for pairing me up with a man who, though not precisely sanguine, is a wonderful example to me of good humour, forbearance, positive thinking, and calm pragmatism. A man who does not indulge in self-pity or worry, who does not waste his days being anxious or fretful. A man who has no trouble at all falling asleep.

I asked the Lord to help me, to keep giving me the grace to be sanguine, or, more specifically, to remember what the apostle Paul wrote: "Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice!...

Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.

And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]" (Phil 4:6-8, italics mine).

And really, "who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure (cubit) to his stature or to the span of his life?" (Matt 6:27).

Of course, I just need to look at my kids to see what being sanguine really means. And that terrible purple-black scar that got me in such a tizzy? You'd have trouble finding it now -- it faded away to nothing.

loving today

1. Beaded tie headband by Be Something New
2. Seven skirts tie by Anawhat
3. Ottoman Harem Collection ring by DRN Designs
4. Paquetage French vintage satchel from bOmode
5. Black leather feather earrings by The Ghost Dancer
6. Raw apatite ring by Elemental Alchemist