2. Bicycle art print by elSage
6. Panda Kitty softie pin by Bikbik & Roro :)
Monday, May 13, 2013
treasury clipping
Mama's Boy, by Jaros Designs, crafter of deliciously gorgeous gemstone jewelry. The entire list is here.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Guppin
Thursday, May 9, 2013
on sensitivity, and the lack thereof
The name porcupine apparently means ‘one who rises up in anger’.
Now don't get me wrong -- she's a very nice lady and we have a great relationship, which I know is a wonderful blessing, especially considering some of the things I hear about in-laws from hell. So this really isn't about her, or the fact that I appreciate being kept informed (which, however, I do, mister!).
The thing is, when I suddenly heard her voice right outside my room and asked the hubs about it, he answered, "Well, she was supposed to call first if she was coming so that I'd go pick her up; I guess she was free, so she just came over herself". To which of course I said, "What if we weren't in? Or what if I'd we'd planned to go out and do some family thing?". And he replied, "Well, then she'd just leave. She wouldn't mind at all -- she doesn't have all kinds of hangups and sensitivities".
Well of course that got me thinking; I was crafting, which is a perfect time to think philosophically about things. I couldn't help chuckling a little as I acknowledged the accuracy of the hubs' remark; it was true -- she is insensitive -- not in the hardened, callous sense, but rather, laid-back, sanguine and slow to take offence -- in other words, she is not hypersensitive.
Being moderately sensitive is generally considered a good thing, of course -- it is desirable that people are understanding, responsive, thoughtful, caring and empathic. And of course, we all know some clown at the other end of the spectrum -- my girlfriend's husband, for instance, who pretty much never takes her needs or feelings into consideration, and perish the thought that he'd buy her flowers, bring her out for a nice dinner, or fix things around the house without being begged on bended knee.
But more and more, I've come to realise that there is such a thing as being too sensitive -- when being responsive translates to being touchy, irritable and easily offended; when being empathic means reading a million non-existent things between the lines; when supposed caring actually makes one behave like a martyr -- and that it affects not only you yourself, but the people around you, and future generations as well.
I remember listening to a sermon by lay preacher Joel Osteen -- can't remember the title now -- where he described such people as "high maintenance", which is exactly right (I remember too, his point that continually subjecting oneself to such people -- catering to their needs, bowing to their demands, accepting their high-strung behaviour -- was "feeding their dysfunction", which is also exactly right).
Growing up, I had a guardian who was on the high -- read "extreme, uttermost, ultimate" -- end of sensitivity; you couldn't have the corner of your mouth off of a millimetre without having your evil motives exposed. The tone of one's voice, the expression in one's eyes -- it made life a daily walk on eggshells. If I did something wrong -- and strangely enough, kids seem highly prone to that -- the response would be as theatrical as possible: punishments designed to hurt and shame; withdrawals of affection; dramatic remarks like, "After EVERYTHING I've done for you" and "I am NEVER going to do nice things for you again".
Now as an older adult, I can look back on those times with some degree of indifference, compassion, and even humour. And they weren't altogether useless -- they taught me how to behave with my own children. I remember the dramatic remarks, and I avoid using them. I remember the silent treatments, and I am quick to forgive. I especially remember the touchy sensitivity, and I make a point not to over-react, to give my kids the benefit of the doubt; I make the effort to patiently listen them out, and if I do have to scold, choose my words as carefully as possible.
I think deliberately hurting one's child to "get back" at them for offending one is both cruel and childish, and doing so repeatedly can do nothing good for anyone involved. Positive reinforcement; maintaining a loving, stable relationship; and ensuring that "if you’re going to talk the talk, you’ve got to walk the walk" -- these are just some of the key things that I think go a long way toward being a wise parent and raising emotionally healthy, adequately sensitive, children.
Remember Mrs Fidget? As C.S. Lewis so eloquently put it, "anything will 'wound' a Mrs Fidget -- [enable] her to feel ill-used, therefore, to have a continual grievance, to enjoy the pleasures of resentment". But what creates a Mrs Fidget to begin with? On consideration, it seems to me that the Mrs Fidgets of the world have in fact an extraordinarily high level of what's called "emotional intelligence", or "the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions" (Salovey and Mayer, 1990).
Some time ago I'd read an excellent article by counsellor Steve Hein; entitled The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence, the article was an analysis of the depressed, suicidal teens he worked with. "I have long suspected that a person's innate emotional intelligence could be warped by an abusive environment," he wrote. "Among these teens, I am finding that those I would consider to be the most emotionally intelligent are also fast learners and have good memory and recall. Because they are so emotionally hurt and starved, they are learning, remembering, developing and using unhealthy, destructive, hurtful or dangerous survival mechanisms".
He discovered, among other things, that these teens:
- learn to use their tone of voice, their words, their silence to manipulate.
- learn how to threaten with what will hurt or frighten others the most.
- become nearly constantly defensive and therefore lose their childhood ability to empathize.
- become bitter, cynical and sarcastic.
- learn how to verbally attack; they learn hurtful phrases and quickly recall and apply them.
- learn how to lay guilt trips.
"What is most sad to me is that all these teens I work with feel alone, unloved and unwanted," writes Hein. "They are desperate to feel connected, cared about, understood, loved and wanted. They often hate themselves, so they look for love in relationships. But they don't have the necessary ingredients to make a relationship work. They don't have the needed self-love or even self-acceptance. They don't have the relationship skills or communication skills. These things are not taught in schools and all they see are dysfunctional models at home.
"It is a vicious cycle. Their high level of innate EI has given them an ability to both feel emotional pain and to hurt others emotionally.... Because emotionally intelligent people are sensitive, they are easily hurt. They are also insecure from years of feeling disapproved of, disappointing, threatened, afraid, unworthy, inadequate, guilty, etc. Because of this insecurity, they take everything personally and are easily put on the defensive. Or they may go on the attack.
"I believe emotionally intelligent people from emotionally abusive and neglectful homes can become some of the most hurtful, manipulative, greedy, controlling, arrogant people in society... This is what I would call the dark side of emotional intelligence. It is something that could be prevented if parents, first, and teachers, second, were more emotionally competent.
"I make a distinction here between emotionally intelligent and emotionally competent. A parent does not have to be especially emotionally intelligent to stop invalidating their children and teens. A parent does not have to be an emotional genius to develop some basic listening skills" (read the article in its entirety here).
I've observed that people who routinely jump through the hoops of these sensitive souls become themselves edgy, irascible and neurotic; it can easily become a vicious cycle -- if you let it. I think if you have been caught in such a cycle, you can, indeed must, consciously, actively end it with you -- not let it infect your kids, and poison another generation.
I'd written a somewhat related post almost a year ago, based on a wonderful sermon series by Pastor Andy Stanley. It was about the importance of mutual submission in a family, something I don't think is possible if one is continually subjugating others to one's high-strung sensitivities and emotional needs. "Do you know what makes for great family?" he said, "Really happy family? It's families who have said, 'I'm willing to leverage all of me, for an us'. The only reason you don't is because you're selfish. Which means, you're not willing to loan yourself fully to the equation. Which means you will never be happy with your family, ever.
"Because your whole approach to family will be, 'If I can just get everybody to do what I want them to do, I'll be happy'. No, you won't be happy. You'll be large and in-charge; you will never, ever be happy or satisfied.
"Men, some of your wives can't get you to lean in. They're afraid to ask you anything. And they have no choice but to live their lives orbiting around your big ol' self... because you're more 'important'. And so they lean in and lean in until they fall over... And your kids lean in and lean in... because everybody's got to make Dad happy, and guess what -- everybody does everything they can to make you happy, and I know you -- you're still not happy!
"Because you don't get happy by controlling the people around you... The more power you have, the better servant you should be" (extracted from parts 1 and 2 of Future Family, by Pastor Andy Stanley).
So, going back to my mother-in-law -- while one certainly wouldn't describe her as being high on the EI front, I think there certainly is real merit to being her brand of insensitive (not the idiot clown type, mind!) -- her sanguinity has meant that she leads a largely peaceful, cheerful life, being on amicable, almost carefree, terms with just about everyone. Of course, there are times when that sort of "insensitivity" makes for some pretty silly, foolish, even thoughtless, words or behaviour, but they are surely more bearable than the intolerant, demanding, acrimonious spirit of the other.
In my walk with God, all this has come to mean even more to me than before. Most of us know the "love chapter" in the Bible -- it is surely one of the apostle Paul's more inspired pieces of writing. How true it is that love "does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]... Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening] (1 Cor 5-7).
Where are you on the sensitivity spectrum?
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
Audrey!
Sunday, May 5, 2013
treasury clipping
Beach Walk, by Sidereal, maker of exquisite hand-embroidered home decor and jewelry. The entire list is here.
1. Ocean Water print by Bree Madden
2. Seahorse necklace by PoleStar
* Psst -- don't miss out on this giveaway, ending in just a few hours!
Friday, May 3, 2013
old Hollywood collage pin!
Wasn't she a beauty? They sure don't make 'em like they used to. Remember the song Bette Davis Eyes? It was actually written in 1974 by Donna Weiss and Jackie DeShannon (DeShannon co-wrote other hits like Put a Little Love in Your Heart), but became a hit when Kim Carnes recorded her version of it in 1981. Apparently "Bette Davis admitted to being a fan of the song and approached Carnes and the songwriters to thank them for making her 'a part of modern times'" (sourced from Wiki).
Bette Davis was a source of some memorable quotes, including "It's better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for someone you're not. It's a sign of your worth sometimes, if you're hated by the right people"; and "Basically, I believe the world is a jungle, and if it's not a bit of a jungle in the home, a child cannot possibly be fit to enter the outside world"; and of course, "When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she's a bitch".
* Psst -- don't miss out on this giveaway, ending May 5th!
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
lookie-look
It's such a treat -- and certainly not a common one -- to win a giveaway, so you can imagine how delighted I was when I actually won Chelsea's Gratitude Giveaway! As Chelsea put it, she was having the giveaway "because I am in Gratitude for being here, right where I am now.
"I want to celebrate all the support, encouragement and community I feel in social media. I have made many friends online, many people have stopped by my blog (108,632 pageviews) to date, left comments, commissioned paintings, handmade cards and jewellery. Many have attended my exhibitions and artist open house events. For all of this and more I am in deep Gratitude. So I wanted to express my gratitude by doing a giveaway". How awesome is that?
Well, I won the gorgeous handpainted pendant above, which I just received yesterday, but there was more! Chelsea actually made and sent along two lovely sets of goodies for the kiddos as well! Just have a look at these:
Adorable handmade hair slides -- which my girls love to wear -- plus candy (it goes without saying they love that)!
Aren't these pretty? So festive, and Great Gatsby-ish. I'm going to let the girls fight over who gets what when they get back from school.
It's so, so wonderful to receive gifts that reflect such care, thoughtfulness and attention to detail -- thank you so much Chelsea! Pop by Chelsea's artistic blog here :)
* Psst -- don't miss out on this giveaway, ending May 5th!
Monday, April 29, 2013
random bits
Lovely rain the past few days.
Post-exam cheer.
B's favourite shoes.
Happy.
Sophie under the table.
8 months.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
birthday fun!
Guess who had a birthday?
Satisfied customers! See more here :)
So I cut out what I could. And mounted them on thick reclaimed board.
I embellished them with shiny stars, and made them into pins.
And since I'd gotten started, I made some more.
These ones got bought as party favours.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Saturday, April 20, 2013
are you normal?
O, hahahaaaaa... I'm sorry, I'm just sitting here laughing -- out loud -- to myself, while reading all these people's posts. You see -- weirdo that I am -- I actually get really, really annoyed with myself when I sneeze. I guess it has to do with self-control or being interrupted or something. But anyway, there I was working on something, and I sneezed, three or four times in a row -- which I hate -- and I actually felt compelled to Google, "Do you get really mad when you sneeze?"
And, as to be expected, someone, somewhere in this big, wide world actually thought the same sort of thing (though the top Google results all had to do with people being annoyed when other people sneezed, not themselves). First though, I was amazed, nay fascinated, in fact downright tickled, that there was a site called, Is It Normal? "Are You Normal?" the subhead asks. "Curious how others might perceive your situation? Ask your question today and find out what others think..." O, fascinating, just fascinating!
So then, this was the question I clicked on: "Is it normal to just get absolutely FURIOUS when anyone around me sneezes? I have almost gotten in a fight because of it". O, hahaha... someone who actually feels the same sneeze-induced rage, albeit toward other people (he/she does sound a bit extreme though...)! And then -- o, this was the best part (well, to me, anyway) -- a whole bunch of people who actually bothered to reply! And what replies LOL!!!
For example: "I only get annoyed when the sneeze seems excessively loud. My mom and fiance (they're separate people, not one in the same) get mad at me when I tell them to sneeze quietly. They say they can't help it. Poppycock! I can hold back. They should, too. Stop scream-sneezing". YOU SAID IT, man!
Or: "I get irritated when people sneeze and then keep saying things like, "Whew" and "Oh man" and "That was a big one!" Like I need to give them attention cause they sneezed". I KNOW!!
And what about: "I agree with Satellite, My dad SCREAMS when he sneezes, He goes HACCCHEEWWWW instead of just a normal sneeze but some people are ridiculous sneezers". I TOTALLY get this!!
This one I just love: "OMFG LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Dude, i suddenly remember my grandma used to sneeze really loud like over and over and YES DAMMIT THAT PISSED ME OFF!! And my dad sneezes really loud too plus so does my mom! its because they don't hold their noses when they sneeze. sometimes they startle me!!
I on the other hand always hold my nose cause otherwise its painful for me. and i'm not too loud... but man i had a good laugh at the comments!! THANKS YALL!!"
And: "omg...so funny! I think it is normal to get mad at your family members' sneezes...because I have been dealing with my stupid brother's LOUD ASS AAAAACCCHHHHOOOO!!!!! without even covering his damn nose....my whole damn life. in the next room late at night, when I would give him a ride, at dinner....I hate it. But also, my brother just kinda bugs me. My mom also has a realllllyyyy loud HEP-CHU! sneeze that is very obnoxious....however, I don't think you should get so angry, it's just natural and don't be so high strung over it, mellow out!"
Or perhaps the most clear and concise of all: "F*** it, smack them one". O hahahahahaaaaa!
I'm sorry, I don't know if this just makes me really weird (but Jacqueline, that's not such a bad thing, right? ;)... It seems the original poster was considered "20% normal" hahahaa... So while I didn't get a direct answer to my own question, I did get over how annoyed I was with myself lol! I'm going to go check out the rest of this wonderful site now -- already I see the question "Is it normal that i don't feel alone when I walk into my bedroom?" Wahahahahaaaaa...
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Guppies!
I made a whole school of these sweet little fish for a lovely lady in Derbyshire, and decided I really had to add them to the shop!
Batik Guppy...
... and Sun Guppy are two of the fishies in the shop at present (the rosy turquoise one is a third).
The Guppies were inspired by Ro's drawing of a flying fish (maybe I'll add wings at some point!).
I think they have such friendly smiles.
These sweet, happy fish would look lovely in a nursery, or on a shelf or sofa -- anywhere really! They would love to listen to you ramble or watch you try to figure out how your computer works.
Guppy photo shoot outtake haha :)
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