on imperfection and pressing on

During my prayers this morning I was telling God how wonderful it is to know Him, I mean to really know Him, like deep in my spirit. I was marvelling at how I knew Him before -- I was baptised as a baby and went to church and Christian schools -- but it was more like I knew of Him; it was only a head sort of knowledge, I did not have a real revelation of Him in my heart, and I lived a decidedly un-Godly life.

Which was what then led me to tell God how frustrated I am by my thoughts and behaviour. I mean, I know him now, in my spirit, yet I still act badly -- my thoughts and behaviour just don't match up with the fact that the Holy Spirit lives in me. I'm anxious, impatient, intolerant, etc etc -- I certainly do not behave as if I had the mind of Christ.

And right as I was lamenting this, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me that I was like Paul, who said, "For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice or accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe which my moral instinct condemns]". Well right away I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote that down, so that I'd be sure to remember to look it up when I'd finished praying.

Which is what I did. I found that verse in Romans 7, which so powerfully captures my own feelings:

"For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot perform it. [I have the intention and urge to do what is right, but no power to carry it out.]

For I fail to practice the good deeds I desire to do, but the evil deeds that I do not desire to do are what I am [ever] doing...

O unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death?" (Rom 7:15-24).

Naturally, I read to the end of the chapter with bated breath, and I was not disappointed:

"O unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death?

O thank God! [He will!] through Jesus Christ (the Anointed One) our Lord!" (Rom 7:24-25).

And so I keep pressing on, "not having any [self-achieved] righteousness that can be called my own... but possessing that [genuine righteousness] which comes through faith in Christ (the Anointed One), the [truly] right standing with God, which comes from God by [saving] faith.

[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly]...

That if possible I may attain to the [spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].

Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own.

I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,

I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.

So let those [of us] who are spiritually mature and full-grown have this mind and hold these convictions; and if in any respect you have a different attitude of mind, God will make that clear to you also.

Only let us hold true to what we have already attained and walk and order our lives by that (Phil 3:9-16, italics mine).